i recently broke up with my boyfriend (we'll call him Jack) of 4 months. he was an amazing man that loved me dearly. the problem - my ex-boyfriend (we'll call him Tony). Tony and i broke up long ago but remained "friends." i remained friends becuase i thought he'd eventually see the light and come back to me. he remained friends with me because he honestly valued my friendship and he had the perfect "have your cake and eat it too" relationship. during our "friend" phase, we still slept together on occasion, but there was no commitment which is what i wanted. eventually i gave up, put myself first and opened myself up to a new relationship. enter Jack. Jack was coming off a bad break-up some time before and i was his first relationship following that. he and i both fell hard for the perfection that was us. suddenly, Tony sees the light. desperately wants me back, realizes he was a fool and is ready to be the man i always wanted. at first, i tell him it's too late, he's missed the boat. but becuase we have a friendship, we are still in contact & see each other often. meanwhile, Jack is putting on the full court press and is moving faster than i am ready for. rather than discuss this with him, i let it fester. i start comparing Jack to Tony, forgetting all of Tony's issues. i think that maybe i made a mistake in getting with Jack and start to sabotage things. any little tiff, and i'm ready to walk, but i feel guilty becuase Jack is so in love. i am happy when i am with Jack, but am distracted by Tony's constant desire to rekindle. i start to believe that with Tony is where i should be despite how wonderful Jack is. mind you, my keeping things to myself about how i was feeling only fed Jack's insecurity about my friendship with Tony.
eventually, i end things with Jack. it was very bad, sad, tumultous and awful. Jack begged me not to and offered to do whatever necessary to make things right. he wanted to try. he offered to give me time. we cried and cried, together & apart. i took that time with the intention of ending things anyway. during that break, i told him that i thought i might have feelings for Tony. this crushed him. anyway, upon breaking Jack's heart, i realized that i was no longer attracted to Tony. that old spark that used to be there is not.
now i'm alone. and i think want Jack back. i'm afraid that when i return, those old feelings for Tony might return & i don't want to do that to Jack or me. i value Tony's friendship and i know that me going back to Jack will hurt him as well. but i miss Jack. i miss how wonderful he treated me and how happy i was with him. he would cook me breakfast & dinner, rub my feet, run my bath, make love to me passionately & frequently and made me feel beautiful. i haven't spoken to or seen him in almost a month now. i think about & miss him constantly.
any advice is GREATLY appreciated.
Edited 7/8/2004 6:28 pm ET ET by bklyn_magnolia
Fate doesn't wait for us to be ready for anything, so when something wonderful comes along no matter how scary it is, we have to grab hold and not let go. I know what I have with my love is real. There have been times these past few weeks that I have been scared thinking What if this really is it? What keeps me strong is remembering his face before he went on that plane, and how he would hold me all night. You were afraid of something beautiful, you shouldn't be, don't let it go.