I think I scared her off :'( Need help to win her favor back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
I think I scared her off :'( Need help to win her favor back.
Thu, 12-12-2013 - 7:50am

I've met this awesome girl, we know each other for 2 months ... fisrt month we were just talking over phone, but literaly couple ours a day. Then we have a 1st, 2nd ... dates and now, on our last date I have kissed her for the first time ... she kissed me back but only for couple seconds. The day after that we have a call as usual but she wasn't too comunicative. She told me she wants the call ended. 

Then I've got a message, where she said, that she knows all the stuff I'm doing for her and that she appreciates it, but that she is feeling obliged to me, and this is what she doesnt want. 

So I texted her, that she absolutely is not obligated to me, that I really like her and that I'm not expecting anything for what I've been doing for her. I've told her, I love being with her and that the most important thing for me is to be her friend and that I hope I can continue to be a friend and comunicate the same we are now. 

Should I call her now or wait for her to answer? What if she does not? It will be the first day without any conversation after the day we have met. 

I really miss her even after a day but I'm willing to wait as it will be needed. I dont want to lose her, I think I have fall in love with her :'( 

What now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013

I really don't understand what you mean by "doing stuff for her." You waited until the 3rd date to attempt a kiss, which was totally appropriate. It seems as though she tried dating you, but for some reason, isn't as into you as you are her. Could it be that you went over the top and were a smothering presence? It's great to be crazy about someone, but maybe you should tone it down at the beginning and take things a little slower. Ask your friends their objective opinion about how you act when you're first dating someone. 

Basically, a dating relationship has to be mutual, with both people equally matched in how they feel about each other and how they like the relationship to progress. As much as you like this girl, you have to face the fact that she is not compatible with you. Don't communicate with her any longer. If she contacts you, reciprocate, but tone down how often you speak to her and shorten the length of your conversations. If she doesn't respond, God or fate has someone better in store for you. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I also wonder what you were doing for her that she would feel obligated?  From what you wrote, it doesn't seem that you did anything strange--you didn't pressure her for sex or anything, so maybe she just decided that she didn't like you as much as you seemed to like her--unfortunately that happens sometimes and you can't figure out why because it felt like you were getting along.  I'd give it a couple of days & try calling her and see how she reacts.  If she doesn't want to hear from you, there is really nothing you can do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003

Chap, sorry to say this but although you have not done anything wrong, it won't go anywhere with the girl cause she's simply not into you and sees you only as a friend. She is trying to go easy on you saying all this about 'going slow' and 'obligation' etc etc. What she'd like to say is this:  'I don't want you THAT way, I don't feel it, I don't want to kiss you or be intimate but I don't want to hurt you either'.

What now is this: you thank all the angels in heaven that you are still very young (right?) and forget all about this girl. Then you go out to party with your mates and find yourself another girl who will be madly in love and lust with you. Believe me, there'll be NO scaring her off.