I think its over

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
I think its over
2
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 6:42pm

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 and a half months. Things were going fine and then I felt like things were different between us. All he ever wants to do is go to this coffee house that he has been going to for years, look at something at borders or drive around. I've told him that I would like to do something every once in a while, but anything i suggest he either ignores or says no to.

Plus he will only come out around 9pm - 9:30 and will take me back home at 11-12 so we are only spending about 1.5 hrs to 2 hr together. I have asked him to come out earlier on the weekends so that we can do things but he never does. Instead he acts like i never asked him to come out earlier so we can do a particular thing. He says that it doesn't matter how long we are together or what we do all that matters is that we get to spend time together.

The thing that has me the most confused is that he says we are past the dating stage. I don't see how we are. To me that means we are living together or getting married which we are not. When I told him that he said "So i guess i'm not doing a good job after all" That made me mad and I didn't know what to say. Basically I guess he is telling me that he is no longer going to try or impress me.

I feel like I care more for him and all he cares about is himself. I know for a fact that he is just sitting at home on his computer or taking a nap at home. I don't see what is so wrong of me asking him to come out earlier so we can actually do something together on a saturday. I'm the type that would do anything for the person I care for but he can't even fake an interest in me. When we are at the coffee house I try to get him to talk to me but all he really does is stare off "thinking"

Apparently the way I say some things is cute so he mocks me and laughs. He knows I hate it and says he is only doing it cause it was so cute. He is not making fun of me. When we are out in a public place he will never hold my hand, kiss me or hug me. That doesn't bother me so much but I like to be affectionate and that is an easy way to show me he truly cares. It doesn't have to be in public. When he picked me up he used to hold my hand while he was driving but that died away a long time ago. I try but sometimes it feels like i am just bothering him. In a way it seem like he gets what he wants and forget me.

I've talked with him so many times and I think it can't go on anymore. I told him he says such great things to me but his actions don't show it. He got upset with me and said that what i said hurt him. I can't tell if he loves me and i'm tired of trying. I made him a pattern i sewed from a picture he gave me. I didn't mind doing it for him. We were talking one day and I told him how i have never gotten a love letter. He said he would write one for me but that never happened. Something reminded me of it and i asked him what happened to the letter he said he didn't know there was a time limit on it.

I don't know what to think anymore. All i know is that I am feeling lonely when I am with him and frustrated when he doesn't come out earlier when we can actually do something Please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 7:25pm
He is 28 and i am 24
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 8:06pm

I think that you should talk to him about this, decided if you think it is worth it to continue and then take action.

If it is only three and a half months into the relationship and you already feel lonely maybe this isn't the right path to be taking. If you seriously think it is and that you could be with him for a while, give it a shot and make things happen. You take him out. Don't what for him to decide to do something. Do something random. Something that you wouldn't normally do, it doesnt have to be crazy or something wild, just something you have never experienced before and then get into the swing of doing stuff like that with each other. Don't call it dates just going places.

I hope this helps.