I think my BF is obessessed..HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2002
I think my BF is obessessed..HELP!
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 11:42am

Hi all! Need advice!!

Im 23, college student (took my time ha ha). My bf and i have been together for 4 months. He lives down the hall from me in the same dorm. Thats how we met. Hes 3 years younger than i am, and it played a big part on my decision on whether i wanted to date him or not. Infact, i wasnt interested in him nor in having a boyfriend when i moved here. But we became friends, and started to hang out constantly. We were always together. So naturally, i saw that he was a good guy and gave it a shot.

Well, when i say he's a good guy.. i mean it. He has a big heart, and is always there for me. But this is the problem.. hes TOO THERE FOR ME. I know most women would thnk i'm crazy to be complaining bout this..but i feel smothered. He goes out of his way for me, but he sort of uses it as a manipulation tool when i dont go out of my way. I've explained to him NUMEROUS times that its not good to talk every minute of the day, or have to see each other 24/7. But he doesnt get it, he says its cause i dont care. I do care bout him, and i do make it known, but he always uses that as an excuse as to why i'm not "obessessed" like he is.

Some examples-
-Everytime i want to go out with the girls, he asks "whose driving, what time are u leaving, when will u be back, are any guys going with u, whose there?"
-When i talk bout missing home or going back to visit he says "i hate when u go home because it stresses me out. I always have to wonder if your out at a bar, or doing something i dont like. I get so nervous."
-When i tell him that i want to sleep in my room he says "Why do i always have to ask you to sleep with me? Why cant u just do it cause u want to. Why did u leave my room so suddenly, without even saying i love you"

Ive told him that most of our arguments would diminish if you would just back off a little bit. Let me come to you, don't be so available. He says this is all game playing. But its not, i want to chase him. Ive told him, why is it when you go out, i never ask you 1000 questions, nor do i ever speculate your up to something...cause i TRUST YOU.. and then he says that he trusts me also, but doesnt trust other guys.

IF i tell him i dont want to hang out today, he'll find some reason to come see me. The other day he asks to borrow a spoon, so i said ok ill meet u outside my door. Then he freaks out cause i didnt let him come in. But excuse me, you just wanted to borrow a spoon, why did you need to come in??

I dont want to let him go because he is so sweet. But hes just TOO MUCH. I also feel very dependent on him because i met him within the first month of school, so i became attached since i didnt know anyone else. Now its hard to meet other people. Anyway, advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!