I think my friend is jealous

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
I think my friend is jealous
3
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 2:33pm
I've been seeing my bf for a little over 6 months now and things are great. We have alot of fun together and I couldn't be happier.

Now that we're getting a little more serious I've started inviting him around my friends more and they all really like him for me, except for 1. She's only met him twice and he's been very friendly each time but she doesn't like him. I was her running buddy before I met him and we did alot of partying together so I think she may be jealous.

Just this past weekend a group of us went to lunch and I noticed that she was behaving very rudely, rolling her eyes or making faces when he would talk and then she got pouty and wouldn't talk to anyone or eat her lunch. Then the next day she emailed me and asked what I was doing with him and said she hates it when friends get into relationships and then there is no more fun to be had. She went on to say that he's not good enough for me because I deserve someone who is more attractive, funnier, more charming, etc and that being around him is just as irritating as someone pouring acid on her face...

I was shocked. And hurt. I know he might not be considered attractive to some people but he's beautiful to me and takes better care of me than any of the "good looking" jerks I've dated ever did.

She's been one of my best friends for years and I love her but I love him too and I feel like I'm being put in the middle. I don't know what to say to her or if I should tell him about anything she said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 2:42pm
It sounds like your friend may be a little jealous. It may not be just because she feels like she has lost her running buddy, she may be a little jealous because you have found so much happiness in this one guy. You should never start losing your friends when you start dating (which I don't think you are doing), and it is really cool that you can all get together for lunch or what ever, but you really need to set up some girl time with your friend. Explain to her how much you appreciate the fact that she thinks you deserve better, and what a great friend she is for caring so much. But also tell her how much you really like this guy and you would really love it if she would just try to get to know him a little better before developing an opinion. She will eventually come around. Just let her know what a great friend she is for caring so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:13pm
Agreed. I definately think you should sit down and talk to your girlfriend about whats going on. Let her know that no matter what she will always be your friend. Try having a girls night out. Im sure your new man will understand. I definaetly do not think you should tell your new man about your friends concerns and issues. It will only cause him to have disdain for her and cause even more tension between the two of them. As long as you make time for both your friends and your man, things should be good. I have had plenty of friends who seem to fade off once they date someone. Hell, I have even done it myself. I have learned from that mistake. Men come and go but good friends are hard to find and they will be there for you through thick and thin. Make sure she doesnt feel liek he is taking her place, at teh same time, let her know how happy this guy makes you and you hope she can learn to like him and see what a great guy he is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 6:41pm
Even if she were right about him, where does she get off behaving so pourly towards the both of you? Do you think that she knows something that she hasn't shared yet? LIke they had a one night stand or something? acid on her face is really, really harsh and extreme. Maybe he doesn't meet her standards for handsome, funny and charming, but what does that have to do with your choice in men? She's not going to sleep with him.

On the other hand: is anyone else acting like this towards him? My best friend married this jerk that no one liked. She thought he was the ultimate, but all her family and us got really bad vibes from him and it came out later that he was a controling so and so and he abused her. I was in this woman's wedding party crying my eyes out from sadness, not joy...I've held her hand after he tried to choke her...I've sat there and supervised that she call a battered woman shelter...you know I told her she was worthy of so much better.