I think we're over for good
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| Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:26am |
Hi all,
My boyfriend have been together about a year. It's been rough and he's taken me thru alot including wanting a girl with 3 kids that didn't want him. I didn't want him either, but eventually I fell in love with him and let him move in. He's been helping with the bills but I carried most of the load. This month he chose to send his daughter some money and failed to pay his half of the rent. I was supportive of his decision until he started taking days off from work and not doing anything around the house.
Then he started blaming me for me not being there for his daughter the entire time she was growing up (she's now 16). He has guilt issues, and jealously issues that I have tried to deal with. He "found" a number under the sofa and called the number demanding to know who the person was. That person was my ex- employer who I'd called to get a job reference. I told him I just can't deal with his issues and sarcasm while footing the bill too (he has bipolar and I've been trying to be as understanding and loving as possible). But I sense I'm being used and I don't want to support him in anything if he can't get up and at least go to work (he just got this job, and from what he says is always arguing in their meetings and going against the grain). This, from a man who's missed 3 days this month for no good reason.
He works at night and while he's home during the day he's snooping thru my things and playing on the pc and making calls all day. Then when it's time for him to go to work at night, he's too tired to go. He hasn't helped pay any rent this month and when he told me he wasn't going to work again, I snapped on him. He snapped right back at me, and although my feelings are hurt, I don't want to be the type of woman to take anyone's crap because I am afraid of losing them. He's supposed to be gone when I get home today and although I love him very much, I can't and won't beg him to stay. He's 42 years old and I have to stay on him constantly to go to work. I believe if he's really after the stability he claims to want at his age, then the first step is to get up and go to work (he asked God for a job and now won't even go). I'm sick of his hypocrisy. Can anyone give me some insight, advice, help or encouragement?? I'm feeling really bad about this.

I can give you some encouragement, hon. But I don't think you need much advice. You already know you are not satisfied with this man. You know he has serious problems (bipolar, jealous, argumentative) You know you are tired of him refusing to go to work and carry his weight. You know it's time to put an end to this situation.
But first, I don't understand something. How can your boyfriend blame you for not being in his daughter's life for the past 16 years when you've only been with him for one year???
There's nothing wrong with a woman supporting her man financially, if she honestly believes he's doing all he can to change his life. But this doesn't sound like the case with your man. He sounds lazy, self-indulgent and full of excuses. His mental problem (bipolar) could be the reason he isn't able to get himself together. But you're not married to him so it's really not your problem. And even if you were married, you cannot fix what's wrong with someone else.
I just think you sound very FED UP and resentful. Therefore, I think you should decide on a deadline for this man to move out of your house. You tried to make it work for a year... it didn't. Time to cut your losses.
I'm sorry for the disappointment. Take care.