I tried calling him after 1st date, help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
I tried calling him after 1st date, help
8
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 1:01am
well, its really simple what I did:( was probably against all the rules of dating

and I know this is in my character - I am quite impatient

I have picked this guy up online and we emailed back and forth for about 3 weeks

then he asked for my phone number, which I gave him, then he called me like 7-10 times and on the 8th,9th he asked me out and we finally went on our first date, which was wonderful, he was wonderful and very very smart and it looked like in the way he thought he mirrored me and this wasnt just on some trivial things - it was politics, and just common sense issues, we talked for 2.5 hours

during the date he mentioned we would have a chance to talk about other things as well later on, signalling this will probably not be our last date either

but, the next day, when I was in the area with my friends and having a great time, I (quite stupidly thought to say hello) and I gave him a call and he didnt pick up - but I am terrible with leaving spontaneous messages and so I didnt leave one.

but, as the story would have it, I keep wondering whether the date from his perspective wasnt too great The date was this past Friday and today is Wednesday and he still hasnt called me.

My question is: did I break a taboo when I tried calling him? I mean I know I probably did, also how bad is it? what are the chances he will call if it has been 5 days since the date? I'd like him a lot, but I want to be realistics and just see what is the likely scenario here. I would appreciate any of your kind thoughts or advice:) Bye bye

Curlysue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 6:28am
I think the problem is the emphasis you put on what he said during the date - I have been on countless dates where it was implied that there would be future dates -unlike you I don't listen or base expectations on it - until he calls and asks me for another date he doesn't exist on the radar screen no matter how great he is. As far as calling - I think it was a little silly not to leave a message - of you're going to call, do it, I say (no I don't call after a first date - but no big deal that you did - he just may find it odd that you didn't leave a message and think you dialed by accident).

In my personal experience 95% or more of the men who are sincerely interested in me call me within 2 days after a first date. That's just me. I also would never chat on line or on the phone as long as you did with a complete stranger - if he didn't want to talk on the phone and meet ASAP I would move on - I don't want to get attached to an email penpal and if he is not asking me out within the first phone call - maybe the second, dating me is not a priority for him. Next.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 8:53am
If you called and didn't leave a message-How would he knew you did that? Also, have you emailed to say you had a good time on the date?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 12:19pm
ok, Deena, thanks for your honest opinion, usually this does the trick for me - we'll see what happens and if he calls, he calls, if he doesnt - oh well, then he doesnt. I have been out of the dating loop for over 2.5 years and though this is an unlikely excuse, I am still a bit rusty:)

thanks for your answer anyways

cheers,

Curly Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 12:25pm
Hi,

We have exchanged and are talking on our cell phones, and cell phones have those damn caller IDs.

I havent emailed him back yet - and I wonder if it is too late now - it has been almost 6 days and well, I think he knows I had a good time, although men are from Mars and I might be wrong.

Anyways, I suppose there is no harm in emailing and telling him what I think, the worst thing that might happen he wont reply or say : it was nice seeing you as well and bye.

what do you think?

-Curly Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 1:34pm
Generally, if the guy likes you, he won't mind that you called first. Plain and simple. Everyone likes to get calls from someone they like, right?

On the off chance that you calling is something that he doesn't approve of and that "scared him off" do you really want to date someone who's so easily turned off? It seems like if that were the case then no matter how well things were going /how far they progressed between the two of you you would've eventually done something to turn him off that most people would think of as petty (leaving the cap of his toothpaste, for example).

Give it until one week ater the date for him to call you back before you write him off completely. You never know what else might be happening in his life.

Good luck and keep us posted.

:) Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 2:24pm
N0..... I don't recommend that you email this guy. Why cause yourself this extra aggravation? You already called him and didn't leave a message, so you can assume he knows you called and didn't leave a message. He might have thought that was weird. Now, if you email him you'll be waiting more anxiously to hear from him and STILL wondering if you were "correct" in initiating the contact.

I'm sure you've read it here a million times before, but generally, it's best to let the guy make the contacts after that first meeting. Of course it's no great sin if you call or email first, and some guys think it's great! But I'd say 9 out of 10 cases on THIS website women are moaning about the fact that they called him but he either hasn't returned the call, or when he did he didn't set firm plans for another date. So, calling first doesn't usually doesn't seem to relieve anything. As a woman, you're still hoping the man will be interested enough to pursue you.

For you, it was a good date. For him, it might have just been OK. Honestly, I think he would have called you by now if he were as excited about the date as you seem to be (sorry). But anything's possible. Just relax about this one... go forward and date others!

Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 2:39pm
I would suggest sending him a simple e-mail and see what he does. On some ofthe internet dates I went on, we e-mailed, talked on the phone and I thought we would click when we met and that was not always the case. If you hear from him great, if not move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 7:44pm
I think if you thank someone while on a date unless he went extraordinarily out of his way - i.e. waited with you for hours because you locked yourself out of your car, etc - a thank you email says transparently - please please please ask me out again!