I waited for him to contact me but......
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| Thu, 02-23-2006 - 8:11pm |
now I am not sure if I may have annoyed him a bit. I did take you people's advice on here and I didnt contact him this week about meeting up. I did PM him yesterday because there was a flame war on the messageboard and someone insulted him. I PMd him to show my support and tell him not to leave the board because he had posted that he was thinking of leaving the board because of the flamer. He PMd me back thanking me for my support and he signed it "See you soon". This morning I PMd him about a question concerning San Diego (my best friend's mom wants to come to visit and she and her husband dont know where to stay and so I asked him for some suggestions). I was gone most of the day and he emailed me back about some hotel suggestions and about what happened with the flame war. He didnt mention anything about meeting up tomorrow, so I PMd him back thanking him and asking him if he still wanted to meet since he didnt address taht in the email.
This is what he wrote back:
B,
Can we put off getting together until Saturday?
I want to be germ free and alert. I'm a little drippy right now, and I'd hate to give you my germs. One more day should clear my head.
Sniffling S.
I then wrote back to him this:
S,
Saturday is fine by me. If you want to pick me up around noon like last week, that is fine too. I hope you feel better.BTW, if you need to contact me for anything, my cell number is 414-sss-ssss.Let me know how you want to do it. I finally finished updating my resume this morning and it would be great if you could take a look at it.
Take care of yourself,
This is what he PMd me back:
B,
I'll pick you up at noon, and hopefully I'll be healthy.
Later,
S
Does he sound annoyed in it? I wasnt trying to be annoying. Since he said Sat, I just asked him was it going to be like last time and I gave him the cell number because the last time he came to pick me up, he had mentioned he didnt have my cell number anymore and couldnt call me that he came earlier than usual.

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The idea of marking time spent in fantasy realistically and requiring yourself to spend it in reality productively is not mine....but an AA sponsor of years and years ago.
When my life was in a total mess, but i was sober and in a phase of transition and change of lifestyle....she saw me headed back into "staying in the problem" vs. finding a solution.
She demanded I spend "one hour a day of me time".........because she knew that if that demand was not there, I would spent my entire waking time working, paying bills, and putting back into existence a "shell of a successful life" by limited standards, in order to "attract another man"...and wind up divesting myself of everything for the 5th time.
So she demanded "one hour of me time" - which I was accountable to her for having spent. I got to do with it what I wanted, and I was responsible to me for doing it...but I had to answer to her (in my case I required me to be honest) if I had done it or not. Not what I did per se.
A year later, I was in physically better shape than I'd ever been up to that point in my life, I was more confident as a reult, I was more socially outgoing as a result, in getting fit in the "one hour a night" I had developed interest in a sport, and had begun to "participate" in competitions in order to challenge my self-image.
My bank account was more balanced, I'd handled the child return to drugs and me kicking him out with emotional stability, and I had moved into a job that would allow for the present needs, and the future's requirements.
My entire focus changed....by taking "one hour a day of me time" - and someone else holding me accountable "to do it" - while I held me accountable with what to do with it.
Five years later...that sport has taken me around the world, and to places personally, professionally, and existentialy I never thought I'd go.....it's allowed me to expand my horizons, and live up to my potential - and it's demanded I have a balanced life mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, familially, and professionally in order to succeed in an extreme element goal.
One hour a day can changeyour lfie...or minute by minute your life can slip away and at some point you'll look up and wonder "how did I get here"....you get to places you don't want to be - by not pursuing where you do want to go.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
OK, here's the part that strikes me:
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Why are you changing plans for him? If you have plans, you have plans. You don't change them to fit his schedule. That's the part of being TOO available that wingblade is talking about that will wind up getting you taken advantage of if not by this guy then by someone in the future. To bring back her analogy of tennis - when you are ALWAYS hitting it back to him, running your butt off all over your side of the court no matter how tough he makes the shots back to you - you are gonna get tired and he is gonna get bored. When it is always coming back, no matter what he throws your way (i.e. - you are always available no matter what), it lets the other person get lazy and wait until that last minute to put anything your way because they don't have to bother. They know that you'll always be there to hit it back - just like hitting against a practice wall. That becomes not challenging at a certain point, but you always know it's there when you don't have another partner to play with.
It's too late now as you have already said you would go with him and you are planning to change your original plans but don't do that anymore. That is also part of that thing of people who are unavailable some of the time are much more interesting. Right now, I think he probably worries about you as you have no friends, no job, nothing at all in this new city. But I am sure that he expects that eventually you will have those things and not be so dependent on him. He may not mind it right now, but eventually he WILL get annoyed and want to get away. By that time, you will be so dependent on him that you won't know what to do - you will be upset and pull on him and he will be trying even more desperatly to get away. You'll be hurt and it all turns into a huge mess where he's this evil person that hurt you too.
Be careful. Get off that message board. Get off this message board so much. Find a job. Find new friends. And last of all - good luck.
I do understand what you mean. I shouldnt have changed plans so that I could accommodate meeting up with him. I was just kind of disappointed when he told me that he couldnt do it today so when he suggested Sat., I said ok and then tried to set the stage for it. I know I sound too eager. Last Friday when we met up for lunch and then went out to do some things, I asked him to dinner, his first reaction was not that night but Sat. and I told him that I couldnt since I had to go home to my parents. So, I didnt change plans for that. But that point is moot because he later emailed me that he didnt feel comfortable going out to dinner.
Right now I am not sure if I really want to go out with him tomorrow. I get this feeling that he is annoyed with me, why I dont know. Reason I get this feeling has to do with me and that stupid messageboard. I go on that messageboard a lot. I dont PM him a lot. Sometimes, I read some of the questions that people ask and he will be reading them, and I answer the questions. I have noticed that when I get on there, after a while, he will jump off for a while, then I leave and I come in as a guest, and then he will come back online again. On that board we can all tell who is signed in or not. I dont know, I get this feeling he is trying to avoid me, although I dont PM him a lot on there. I maybe PM once a few days. Do you guys think I am reading too much into nothing? I have been known to do that before too.
I dont want to deal with this. I want to walk away from this and pretend that it never existed. I am tired of people being nice to me and then taking me the wrong way, or else I give the wrong impression to people.
Go to a CODA meeting *THIS WEEKEND*.
Seriously. You need to do something to start the process...it may as well be that.
Don't think about it, just DO it.
Sheri
Well, I went out with my friend this afternoon for lunch. We didnt go do a lot today because he had to run some errands. When he came to pick me up, he gave me a hug right off the bat, which surprised me. He told me that he wanted to do that. We went out to eat and he seemed like he had a good time. We laughed a lot about things and seemed like we had a good meal. We talked about different subjects, work, his ex, my best friend, our pets, etc. It seemed like things went well. After lunch he drove me around for a bit and then he dropped me off at my apartment. I did not bring up meeting up again, but when he dropped me off, he gave me another hug and told me that he wanted to meet up again next Friday and I said that was ok, we could do that. I then asked him if I could email him every so often during the week to say hi and he said that was fine by him and then he looked at me in the eyes and said he would like that very much.
I think we are on the way to having a friendship, I hope?
I am trying to let him control this and I not do anything. I just have to be careful that I dont like him. I enjoy his company.
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