I want to break up, but we live together

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
I want to break up, but we live together
3
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 12:50pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years. It's been a rocky road, and he still insists that we can be happy together and that I'm the only for him, but I'm done. I don't have the desire in me anymore to make things work. I love and respect him, but I feel as though I'm doing us both a disservice by not putting an end to the relationship. Now the tricky part...

We are currently living together (my house), and he doesn't have much he can call his own. I don't want to put him out or cause him any financial grief. When I approach the subject of breaking up, the living situation will have to be addressed, and I don't know how, or what a reasonable solution will be.

Any help will be greatly appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 1:04pm

Hi, I had the same problem last year with my boyfriend. A rocky road relationship is not recommended, so I suggest that you tell him it all has to stop. Maybe, before you tell him, you can search for another place for him to stay, so that you can do what you have to do without too much guilt. Rocky roads tend to always be rocky, that is my opinion. Sure there can me smooth alleys, but the bumps in the road will be around every corner. It is exhausting, and I do not think it is worth it.
My boyfriend and I rented a flat together, so I told the owner that we wanted to end the contract, and so we did. No my life is better, I am still with my boyfriend, but I have become a cheater- and that is seriously not what you want to do.

Tell him goodbye

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 1:48pm
While it might be hard to do, especially if he takes the news badly, but you could have a few options in his price range picked out already. Obviously, you wouldn't approach the situation like "I'm dumping you, and I already even have somewhere else for you to live!" which is how he might choose to take it. So, this method won't work if you were planning on a dramatic, door slamming breakup. If you think it's feasible to remain calm and keep him calm, after you have explained why you must breakup, you could tell him that you don't want to live with him but you still care about him. You don't want to make him feel like he has nowhere to go, but he can no longer stay with you because (insert your reasons here). You feel so strongly about this, you even have taken the time to look at other possibilities for him. You could also offer to let him stay for a very fixed amount of time until he finds somewhere else to live, but becareful with this as he may see it as you not really being serious about wanting to breakup afterall.
Good luck
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 2:06pm

He's an adult; he needs to take care of himself. Break up with him, and give him a reasonable amount of time to find a new place (in my area, it's totally a renter's market, so 2 weeks would be plenty of time). During that time, stay with a friend or family member so that you don't have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing each other post-breakup. At the end of the time period, if he's not out, change the locks. He needs to know you are serious about this.

I disagree that you should do any caretaking by finding him places to live. He's a grownup, he can do that himself.

Sheri