I'm 22, He's 38 - Okay??
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| Wed, 02-18-2004 - 2:35pm |
I'm new to this board, and I have read a lot of other people's messages. But now I'm here to get a little advice for myself. I man came in to my month about 5 months ago, via WORK. We hit it off right away as far as flirty/banter kinda back and forth - we were very sarcastic with one another, and after we got over being kinda rude to eachother, we realized there were some feelings there obviously.
I will cut to the problem, I think I am in love with this man, we have spent hours upon hours of talking with eachother, holding eachother, making eachother laugh. My red flag number 1 is that we work together - he isn't my boss or anything but we work together. Number 2 flag is that he is 38! I have tried to act mostly okay with this, and for the most part I don't really care what people think. I'm more worried about long term, since it's been several months now and I'm realizing my feelings just seem to be getting stronger for this man. He's loving, caring, thoughtful, sarcastic, funny, sexual, he's never been married and has no children! I love all of it! In past relationships with younger men or men my age I just don't seem to feel that security and love and ADULT relationship type of feelings with them. I have been through a lot for my age already and even though I'm almost 23 I feel like I'm almost about 27.
I need help on deciding whether to persue this relationship with this man with 15.5 years age difference between us?? How will it be when I'm 35 and he's 50?? What about Sex? What about all that stuff?? PLEASE HELP!

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Hello greeneyedchickie, welcome to the board!
You asked, "I need help on deciding whether to persue this relationship with this man with 15.5 years age difference between us?? "... Erin, jman and the others have given you some very good thoughts here. In Erin's case she explained her experience with a similar situation. I, too, had a similar situation. I was 42 and she was 20. Now, there was a little difference inasmuch as it wasn't a sexual relationship but rather one of friendship.
What I learned from that experience was that, while we had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and enjoyed going places together, we couldn't relate on certain levels. I had experienced things in my years that she had never encountered and as such, could not really talk about. For example, this man was born in 1966 and you were born in 1982... a lot happened in those 16 years. The war in Viet Nam was winding up, the riots in Detroit, Watts and Little Rock were under control, the Beatles were still a hit group, Folk music, Beach music, and Soul music was popular, the country was still reeling over the Kennedy asassination, Roots (the miniseries) was watched by almost half of the population of the country, Gloria Steinem founded Ms. Magazine... my point here is that this man is probably at least familiar with many of these things that I would guess that you may not have even heard of...
I'm not trying to dissuade you or change youtr thinking, just trying to give you some things to think about.
Can you have a relationship with this man? Probably. Will it have last? Maybe. There have been many May-December romances over the years and some are succesful and some are not. You are the one who has to weigh and balance what you know and you are the one who has to make the decision whether to pursue the relationship or not.
Now, you may also want to visit with Jazz on the May-December Relationships board and get some ideas from them.
tg
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