im in desperate need of some advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
im in desperate need of some advice...
1
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 1:58pm
my boyfriend and i were a perfect match and everything was going so well. his father even told my father how happy i made him, and how i was the one. until one day... i had just finished a research paper and my mentor, who i also tohappen to be good friends wih, got his job he wanted in a different. we decided to celebrate, and go for a drink and nothing more. i purposely did not tell my boyfriend about any encounters i had with other men, not becuase he made me fell i couldnt, but becuase i did not want to mess anything up. (i realize now this was my mistake). but my byfriend found us having drinks and thought i was cheating on him and decided to leave me. im devastated. after some time had passed, he has decided to come back into my life acting just as he did before the incident. but after i asked him to be my date for the wedding, he made it very clear that he is not my boyfriend anymore and says thing like "we still care about each other very much so lets just spend time together. maybe in time we will become closer than we were before." i have no idea what the hell he is thinking. I do want to be close to him again and i know its going to take time to trust me. but i don't want to be made a fool of if hes just using me for company or se/and sex. i dont know if i should just walk away now or wait to see if things will get better, and if they do how will i know if we are officially together again. how the do i handle a situation like this? im completely clueless and devastated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 3:31pm
I have to disagree that you and your ex were ever a perfect match. If he really was perfect for you, he wouldn't have accused you of cheating when you didn't. Having a drink with a friend is not cheating, and while you perhaps should have mentioned it since you had nothing to hide, why was he so insecure that he immediately jumped to conclusions, refused to believe anything you said, and then broke up with you?

Now he's back to use you for sex and is very clear that he doesn't want a relationship. Your choice is to be "friends with benefits" or not. He didn't trust you before and didn't even believe you, so what makes you think things will be different this time? Yes he's using you. If you're smart, you'll break this off now since you're too attached to him for this type of casual arrangement.