I'm disgusted in myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
I'm disgusted in myself
3
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 3:21pm

I used to be almost 300 lbs and am down to 130, I know how people can be cruel when it comes to people's looks, etc. I think I have turned into one of those people and I feel absolutely sick about it.

I have this really great male friend, we are kind of dating. He has this disfigurement on his face and despite knowing him for months and months, I still keep staring at it. Sometimes I find myself having this really great conversation and I catch myself staring at it when we are talking. I have to "yell" at myself in my mind to stop staring at it. One night, we were walking and he grabbed me and planted a really really nice kiss on me. It was one of those perfect moments. After he put his coat around me, we started to walk on and all I kept thinking about was that it was near my face and I felt a bit weirded out.

In emails, I could absolutely get lost in his words, he is the perfect man for me but how in the world can I get over this. He would like to intensify our relationship by becoming intimate but how in the world could I do this?

I think that I am going to slowly pull away from this relationship, I feel very guilty and sick about this but its not fair to him for us to be sharing so much in email and when we are together, I keep focusing on his appearance.

I am really truly disappointed and disgusted in myself to focus on someone's flaws when I have a ton of my own.

"hanging head in shame"




Edited 10/1/2005 3:37 pm ET ET by bebesixx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 4:55pm

Honey, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You can't control whether you're attracted to someone. You can't be attracted to everyone, and you shouldn't feel badly for it. And you certainly shouldn't feel bad about not liking someone's appearance just because you have not always been happy with your own. No one is happy all the time with their own appearance.

If you're not attracted to him, it means he's not a great guy for you -- even if he is a great guy as a friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 9:20pm

Quit feeling guilty. Relationships require a bit of chemistry to be successful and chemistry requires physical attraction. If this guy is not physically attractive to you, just admit it to yourself, tell him you aren't interested in being in a relationship with this man at this time and move on.

Physical deformaties can cause repulsion in people, it is biological and you don't have to be ashamed.

On a side note, with all the advances in plastic surgery these days I wonder why your friend hasn't taken the opportunity to make some adjustments. It might help his dating life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Sun, 10-02-2005 - 5:39pm

Stop being so hard on yourself.

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