I'm feeeling so bad.. two guys! Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2005
I'm feeeling so bad.. two guys! Help!
1
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 6:54pm

I don’t even know how to start this.. I’m new to iVillage and I hope you can help..
I’m in this weird situation that I don’t know how to get out from.
I have a boyfriend since almost five months back. Our relationship has really been up and down from the beginning. One week everything is great, the next I can’t stand him and we annoy each other. But then it’s great again, and I see no reason for not beeing with him. But then again he can say really stupid things that makes me wonder why I spend time with him at all.

It’s so easy to forget the bad when it’s good... sometimes we don’t have anything to talk about. And sometimes we do. It changes from time to time and it’s really hard.
But he has never hit me or anything like that or called me names or so, when he says stupid things it’s more like he complains about things in my apartment for example or make fun of other people or critizices things.

Many times with him I’ve been on the verge of crying but just as many times and more I have been laughing. Sometimes I wake up beside him and realize I’m not in love with him and sometimes it’s different.

The whole time we’ve been together there has been another guy involved. I knew him from before I met my bf. He’s in my life and during this time he’s had a gf he broke up with and now they got back together again. We have been interested in each other for a long time but we have never been single at the same time. When he told me that he and his gf were getting back together I became so shocked and actually started crying. I couldn’t stop myself. Then I was so down for many days and couldn’t think of anything but him, I planned on breaking up with my boyfriend just to get the smallest chance to be with this other guy.
But then this guy realized he probably shouldn’t be with his gf and suddenly my down-feelings were gone. Do I only want him when I can’t have him?
I do care a lot for this guy, we have so much in common, we have always things to talk about and have fun togehter. I have felt more of a psychological connection with him but have wondered where the physical connection is. Of course I can’t try and see if there is any. But I have imagined a future with him..

But to my point. These two guys affect how I act around them. If it was always good with my bf and I was truly truly in love I wouldn’t let this other guy affect me, but maybe he also affect me so that I can never see if it could be really good with my bf.

And when it’s bad with my bf I think of the other guy and my bf of course affects me so that I can’t find out if there really could be anything with this other guy.

I have got so used to my bf, I know he’s there even though it’s not always so much fun to be with him. But sometimes it is. My friends think I should break up with him because they have mostly heard about the bad parts. There ARE a lot of things that annoys me about him, and we definitely haven’t had those first months of wanting, you know when you want to be with that person 24/7. I have felt that I can’t spend a whole life with a kind of loneliness in the relationship.

I know this sounds selfish but I never wanted this. I’m not afraid of being alone. What I’m afraid of is giving up a great guy – make the wrong decision – and be miserable.
It’s easiest giving up the guy who’s not my bf, just because he isn’t my bf. But at the same time I’m afraid I’m missing out on a wonderful guy then.
At the same time, if I give up my bf because of the other guy and it doesn’t work out, then I will regret that and forever think about if he maybe was the one for me. Even though our relationship goes up and down.

Please give me some advice.... I seriously don’t know what to do.... I can’t keep it going like this. The guy who is not my bf think I should make up my mind whether I’m in love with my bf or not, but how easy is that when it goes up and down from week to week?
Thanks a lot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 11:08pm

I think you need to dump the bf and forget about the other guy and just be single for a year.

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