I'm feelin sick, guys r 2 fast 4 me.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
I'm feelin sick, guys r 2 fast 4 me.....
6
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 6:55pm
I had a date with someone who said he knows right away if there is chemistry and thinks there is nothing wrong with acting on it. The problem is I have told him I am shy, do not date alot, never had a one night stand, etc. What I did not tell him was that I am still a virgin. Some people say I should tell them right away and others say don't tell them. Well since I did not tell him I feel he was way too forward and finally I told him. What should I do in the future. I usually do not put myself in that position on a date because I was sexually assaulted and almost raped about 10 years ago, since then I have been so careful and only in the last year have really started dating again. I'm not saying I don't like this guy I had a date with because we have talked for hours and are otherwise compatible. I was just hoping he would be able to wait a bit for me to get comfortable with him. I'm not sure if he is just not used to this or if he is disrespecting me and really has no consideration of what I want to do in the relationship. I could use some advice on whether I should see him again. I know I am different then most people but I think someone who likes me should accept this. It really makes me feel sick in some way, almost so I am afraid I will stop dating again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 8:20pm

Yes, a decent guy who likes you will be patient and wait until you are ready without pressuring you for sex.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 9:34pm

A gentleman is not going to be "too forward" on a first date. This guy is no gentleman. No, you should not see him again, IMO.

Move on and the next time a guy says something like that early on (the chemistry bit), end the date and say "Next!". He's not a good match for you...he's looking to get laid.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 11:45am
Yes, that is what I was thinking but unsure of. I do not date very much for that reason. I now feel a bit naive and dumb because I now see that he was being manipulative. He knew I had morals but was trying to get me to lower them for him by saying he needs to know about the sexual chemistry right away and thinks it is ok to act on it if it is there because most times it is not so why stop a goood thing, etc., all that b.s. I almost bought it. Now, I am wiser to these type of guys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 1:24pm

You are right....the right man will only respect that you will not sleep with him until you are ready. NEVER COMPROMISE THAT BELIEF!!

AND...you are not obligated to tell any man you are a virgin. this is your personal business and you will know when the right time to tell a man that precious news. Please protect your virginity and love yourself enough to know when the time is right to give that special man that special gift.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 8:58pm
Can you believe this master of manipulation even told me that he and his ex-wife(they have been divorced for 6 years)had sex on their first date and he later married her. It is unbelievable that a guy would go to such an extreme just to try and get sex!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 11:00am

I guess in his mind telling you this would put your mind at rest as far as worrying that this would be a one night stand. Dating is a perilous proposition, particularly as you pass your teens and early 20s. I say this from the perspective of someone who remained a virgin until my late 20s. I wasn't waiting for marriage, but I did want sex to be meaningful and with someone I was in a relationship with. I suppose it just took me a long time. Anyway, I noticed by my mid-20s or so, dating just seemed to become a lot more complicated as men just seemed more savvy or played more games when it came to keeping their intentions concealed and even understanding their own needs and wants. I kept my virginity to myself for the most part, until I met someone who I wanted to sleep with. I had a good feeling about him, he was interested in me, so as our conversations got more intense, I told him. He reacted well--didn't judge and made sure my first time was comfortable for me. Because sex is such a sensitive subject, I wouldn't just announce my virginity to dates--I would wait until I'd reached a certain level of trust and understanding. I didn't want sex to become the focus of conversation with someone I was getting to know and I didn't want a guy I barely knew to judge me for my lack of experience. Anyway, it's a delicate subject, but something you can handle with your own discretion.

I too was ready to swear off dating because I thought I'd just never meet someone who understood me. It's funny because all those cliches turn out to be true. Love finds you when you're not looking for it. Well, I was still open to dating, but I'd become more cynical and was definitely not trying to force things anymore. That was exactly when I met my boyfriend and it continues to amaze me what a good match we are. Anyway, if you keep an open mind and accept that you'll have to go through many frogs, patience will see you through and you will eventually meet your match.