I'm a guy and need an outside opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
I'm a guy and need an outside opinion
8
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 7:56pm
Recently I started dating this girl who is very open about her sexual past. For example, we were talking one day and she told me about a threesome she had with an ex-boyfriend and her roommate (a girl). And then, for her birthday last year she went to a strip club, got lap dances, and said the strippers were feeling her up and licking her. To top it off, she enjoyed it. She continually tells me that she chooses men and doesn't want a relationship with women, but the idea doesn't turn her off either. I, on the other hand, am a much more conservative guy when it comes to sex. Believe me, I like it. But, I only want it to be shared between myself and her. I'm afraid that while she's into me right now it's only a matter of time before the other shoe drops and someone else becomes much more appealing to her (whether it's a man or a woman). I really like her but I'm unsure on how to proceed if I can't get over these "uneasy" feelings. Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 11:35pm

I respect others choices when it comes to sex, BUT the only thought about her telling you openly about her somewhat promiscuous past makes me wonder if she is a carrier of any STD or even HIV or AIDS. In my experience, people who enjoy group sex and such look for people who are compatible with that lifestyle. You being a conservative guy who thinks that sex is meant to be between two people could find it challenging with this woman. It's possible that in time she'd ask you to bring a third party into the bedroom. It's possible that she's bisexual as well.

I'd suggest to make sure that you both pass the bill of health with flying color before attempting any type of sex as a couple or sex as a group.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:02am
I don't know how to get over your "uneasy" feelings either. I am sure this lady is a lovely person but what concerns me is not necessarily her sexual past, but the fact she is proudly telling you about it, it's obviously important to her. You are right, this lady is going to expect some major dynamite in the bedroom. If this isn't for your, you might consider moving on and finding someone who is sexually compatible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:33am
I agree with the others. She doesn't sound like a long-term prospect for anyone except someone just like herself. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 9:36am

Leopards usually don't change their spots... if a person is into doing something and then tries to temper that, I believe it eventually comes up again for them. So in your case, if she's trying to walk the straight and narrow I think at some point in your relationship she will get bored and expect more from either you or expect you to allow her to do what she needs.


That old saying "two peas in a pod" exists for a reason. In my mind, there's certain core things that two people must share in order to share a life together. If that's not there, then there may be problems down the road...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 8:41pm
Hmm...Thanks for everyone's opinions. Luckily, nothing sexual has happened between us. I am a bit concerned about her willingness to tell me about her past so suddenly. I guess that's what raised the warning flags with me to begin with. It gives me something to think about. Again, thanks for the replies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 8:47pm

Level with her about your feelings.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 1:46pm
it sounds like she is greatly lacking in class. Who sits and talks about their lurid past like that to a date they dont know very well? It sounds like she has issues. My sexual past is something i dont share with anyone at all unless they ask me...even though i wont necessarily answer. I wouldnt want to hear about someone i was seeing's past sexapades, ew...i say lose her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 5:32pm
Abolutely - sex is fun but it's in the moment, and poof. You really need to safeguard your health. That is of the utmost importance
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