I'm kicking myself for this! Advice Pls!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
I'm kicking myself for this! Advice Pls!
5
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 1:56pm
Im kicking myself for doing this... but right now, i think i just need some input. Its been a year since I've been single.. It was a extremely difficult breakup with a very easy rebound break up. I've been with couple people here and there since but nothing worth talking about... then I started sleeping with my neighbor... I thought at first it would be ok. I"m single, he's single, and he wasn't the type of person that I would normally date... I didn't think that i was all that attracted to him. So to get involved just on a physical level seemed like a good idea at the time. But now I think I'm starting to like him. Damn it all!! He's extremely funny, nice, makes me laugh. I find myself wanting to spend more time with him. But I don't think the feeling is mutual....I'd like to find out but I don't want to put any pressure or awkwardness there. At this point, I think that maybe the best thing to do is just end things now so I don't get involved anymore that I am now so therefore I won't end up getting hurt.. So I guess my question is... is there a way to find out how he sees me without askng him? If he liked me, and is interested in more, then he would even ask me to go out... outside his apartment. right? or he would want to see me more?? Damn it all!!!! Someone please shed some light on this situation??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 2:11pm

Hi Kes, sorry you're going through this.


A wise man once told me that the difference between a sex buddy and a girl you want to see is that you want to spend time hanging out with the latter. Personally, since you already started things on an FWB basis, I would try to move it out of the house without a huge conversation. If there's a new movie you'd like to see or a restaurant that you'd like to explore, ask him if he'd like to go with you. I would give him 2 chances to go out, after that (if this were me) I'd probably end it.


Trust your instincts. If your guts are saying all he's there for is sex, then you may have your answer already.


Hope this helps.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 2:27pm
Thanks... That does help a little.. I don't know what it is..Sometimes I feel like he likes me more.. HE likes talking to me he says.. but that may've just been b/c he's trying to get me to bed with him. Another bad sign...He never cuddles after sex.. I always end up having sleeping over but nothing. I know it seems like everything is telling me to just stop now while I"m not in too deep but I guess I just want to know for sure... I feel a little sad about letting this one go. I feel like if I ask him to go out, it may put pressure on him and it will make things awkward... Is there another way to know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 4:42pm
No, there's not. You really should ask him. You now like him as more than a FWB, and it won't suit you to stay in a FWB relationship. So, you need to be honest with him and tell him your wants have changed, and you now want to also date him. If he says he's not interested in that, then you have your answer. You can break it off with him to save yourself the heartache. If he says yes, great! Then you know and the stress is off and you can enjoy taking the relationship to the next level. But, you definitely need to communicate with him. That's the only way for things to grow.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:33pm
I agree. In my experience the FWB thing rarely ends well. I had a similar situation this summer. We were sleeping together and we ended up both feeling more but I brought it up first. I wanted more than he could give but luckily this time we walked away friends (after a couple days of crying)only because I was honest with him. The FWB situation is only for certain people. I've come to realize that I can't do it without getting attached. Sex is too personal for me, I guess. Maybe you're the same way. Being single after being in a long term relationship is difficult and often we feel like we need to find something to fill up that space that is left empty. FWB seems like a good idea at the time, but usually someone gets hurt. My advice- talk to him about how YOU feel. Put yourself out there first so that he feels more comfortable with being honest and not put on the spot. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then it's time to get out of this situation. A certain comfort level should be there to be able to not only sleep with him but to talk to him at this point. Best of luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 6:28pm
I think that you've created a very comfortable set-up for him and, possibly, set yourself up for heartache. He's enjoying the benefits of a relationship without the obligation of one... not even a simple invitation to dinner! Pull back and see what he comes up with. If the best he can do is have you over for the night, move on.