I'm sad... I just need a place to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
I'm sad... I just need a place to vent
5
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 5:19pm

I'm feeling down.

I was planning on dropping him if he called last night. But he didn't call. He didn't call all week (which isn't a surprise).

I should've just left it and forget him. Instead, I picked up the phone to call him to tell him its over. But he didn't pick up the phone and I didn't leave a message. Its his cell phone, he could see I called anyway. He never called.

I have this sick feeling in my stomach that he isn't going to call me ever again. But every time I think he isn't ever going to call, he calls. But this time I truly think hes dumped me without even telling me.

I guess its mutual but he had to do it in a horrible way and for different reasons (He has lost interest and is not turned on by me. I for feeling neglected, he has lost interest and is not turned on by me). Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions.

Am I paranoid? I should not even care! It just makes me feel so crummy.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 6:50pm

Oh, I've been there, and it really is crummy. I'm sorry you're going through this.

What works best for me is to make a decision that it's over and implement it...a decision that's not dependent on whether he calls you or not. You know in your heart that you were planning on ending it anyway, right? So that's what you need to remember--the fact that he may have arrived at the same decision doesn't matter.

And you have no idea what his reasons are. Don't even try to speculate, it's not productive in the least. You're ending it because he's an unreliable flake who doesn't treat you well. Why he does that doesn't matter--the point is that he DOES and that's unacceptable.

Don't allow the need to talk to him to postpone the ending in your mind and put you into a limbo. I've done that too, and it's a mistake. If you think it would help you finalize things in your mind, send him an email letting him know your decision to end things, but be prepared for him to argue with you or ask you out (but it will just be his ego talking at that point, so don't fall for it). I wouldn't even give him a specific reason--just let him know this isn't working for you (that way he can't argue with you) and you need to move on--IF you decide to send it. But it would be best if you can just move on in your mind without having to talk to him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 12:00am

Are you allowing yourself the opportunity to date other guys? This guy might call again and it may have nothing to do with being turned on by you or not. By spacing out his calls and his visits he prevents an emotional relationship to take place. He is a guy and will do whatever he wants that makes him happy. If that, in turn, makes you unhappy, "oh well".

You don't have to call him to tell him its over, you can also send a letter. The best way to tell him it is over is to just move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:48am
No don't even say that. LOL. I want it to be final and over with....hope he doesn't call, then it will be final.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 1:10pm

I see, you want him to make the decision for both of you because you are kind of weak in the knees about him? I hope it works for you. My experiences have told me that in the majority of cases, men return to see 1)if they wanted, could they get you back (more about their ego than you) or 2)they are lonely and haven't found anybody else yet.

I just say "no". What prevents you from just saying "no?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 9:22pm
No worries. My eyes have opened, I will be making the right decision. I always appreciate the advice from both of you! Thanks!