I'm so confused
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I'm so confused
| Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:29pm |
I'm really hoping someone objective can help me out here. I'm almost 27 and have been dating a 35 year old guy for 3 months (the age difference isn't an issue for either of us). Neither of us have ever been married or have any kids or any serious baggage. I am having the best time with him and really feel like he could be "the one" for me. Here's the problem...
Pretty early into the relationship he told me he wasn't ready to be exclusive and wanted the opportunity to date other people before he were to commit to me, he needed to see what else was out there (he hasn't dated in a while or been in a serious relationship and was just getting back into the dating scene, whereas I had been dating and I am ready to meet "the one"). As much as I wanted to be exclusive, I went along with him with the hopes he'd get it out of his system early on. We still continued seeing each other often and the subject wasn't discussed again. Now, it's 3 months we've been seeing each other and I wanted to know where we stand. Without trying to be too pushy I casually asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said "not really" which I took as a no. He asked if I was seeing anyone else and I was honest and said no. He also said he still wasn't sure what's going on in his head (whatever that means) and then the subject was pretty much dropped. I didn't want to be a nag and harp on it so I let it be. My dilemma...
Do I bring it up again and kind of give him an ultimatum like where is this going? And take the risk of scaring him away by moving too fast OR do I just give it some more time to sort things in his head and wait? How long do I wait as I sit here and fall for him more and more without knowing where this is going? I mean it's so strange. We have the best time together. We have so much in common. There are so many little indications that he's interested in me (I could sit here and type 'em out all night, but I wont). He's all that I'm looking for. Is he just scared? What is my next step? Please help.
Thanks, Barbara
Pretty early into the relationship he told me he wasn't ready to be exclusive and wanted the opportunity to date other people before he were to commit to me, he needed to see what else was out there (he hasn't dated in a while or been in a serious relationship and was just getting back into the dating scene, whereas I had been dating and I am ready to meet "the one"). As much as I wanted to be exclusive, I went along with him with the hopes he'd get it out of his system early on. We still continued seeing each other often and the subject wasn't discussed again. Now, it's 3 months we've been seeing each other and I wanted to know where we stand. Without trying to be too pushy I casually asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said "not really" which I took as a no. He asked if I was seeing anyone else and I was honest and said no. He also said he still wasn't sure what's going on in his head (whatever that means) and then the subject was pretty much dropped. I didn't want to be a nag and harp on it so I let it be. My dilemma...
Do I bring it up again and kind of give him an ultimatum like where is this going? And take the risk of scaring him away by moving too fast OR do I just give it some more time to sort things in his head and wait? How long do I wait as I sit here and fall for him more and more without knowing where this is going? I mean it's so strange. We have the best time together. We have so much in common. There are so many little indications that he's interested in me (I could sit here and type 'em out all night, but I wont). He's all that I'm looking for. Is he just scared? What is my next step? Please help.
Thanks, Barbara

Unless he's dealing with some heavy emotional baggage, 3 months is long enough for him to sort the thoughts in his head. I think he knows exactly how he feels about you. It's just not the same way you feel about him. You need to try to move on.
Ask yourself this: if he NEVER decides he wants to be in an exclusive, committed r'ship with you, how long would you be willing to be in this r'ship? Whatever the answer is, give it that long and no more.
I'm sure he IS interested in you and enjoys your company! But it really doesn't sound like he wants the same things you do. Unless you can really be happy without commitment or exclusivity, it's probably best to reconsider whether this r'ship is in your best interests.
Sheri
At 35 he should know what he's looking for.
At 27, you have a right to be treated well, and you won't find that if you're hanging on to someone who doesn't appreciate all you have to offer. Walk away and find someone who wants ONLY you, who isn't interested in seeing what else is out there. Leave before he tells you that he's found the one he wants to be his girlfriend- you are worth more than that.