initial contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
initial contact
2
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 2:06am
Help!
There is a guy that I see every day that I would like to get to know. He is the only male who owns a horse at the barn where I ride. The problem is that he is extremely shy and tends to run from any attempt at socialization. He seems to be even shyer when some of my friends bring their boyfriends over. The only thing that I do know about him is that he and his horse are relatively new to the barn and that his name (not his horse) is Sierra. My friend who is a trainer and does a lot of work with abused horses says that his behaviors and actions are very similar to those seen in the abused horses she rehabilitates. If this is the case with him and it turned out that he did suffer some type of abuse in the past, this can really screw up someone. I still want to get to start to know him and see where this may go but just don't know how to go about this without spooking him away or messing him up further. Any advice would be really appreciated.
-Keri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sj128
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 9:04am

Keri...

When 2 people have something in common....there's no better way to "break the ice!"

It's only PG's 2 cents....but Sierra might be slightly intimidated by women...either from an incident in his past or just because he 'doesn't totally understand women in general?' So it's easier for him to be distant with you than cordial!

What you MIGHT want to do is ask him questions about THE HORSE HE'S RIDING!

If you focus on stuff like type of horse he has, how the horse is groomed, the bridle, the saddle and other 'horse-related equipment'---you might break through Sierra's "wall of silence?"

Once you're able to do this, you can gradually bring up a few "personal questions" about HIM!

Nothing against your friends and their b/f's...but it's entirely possible that crowds (3 or more people) intimidate the heck out of this man? So why not try approaching him without a group....at least until he becomes a little more comfortable around you?

And whatever you do....DON'T DISCUSS YOUR PROGRESS (if any) WITH YOUR FRIENDS! Sierra isn't "a class project!" He's the man you'd like to get to know as a good friend.

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: sj128
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 2:31pm
You can say hi and ask a few casual questions about the horse, not about the abuse obviously first thing off the bat - it's name, age, how long he's had it,
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