Insanely romantic or just insane?
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| Sun, 12-12-2004 - 7:25am |
I don't consider myself a romantic. I'm cautious and independant in relationships.
I've been dating R for only 3 months. It's been really good. Really good.
But R is the typical uncommunicative male. He never tells me how he feels, just shows it in little ways that I am finally starting to understand.
2 months ago, I told R that I am applying to law school in a different state. Apparently, after this conversation, R felt that America is too "volatile" and he made plans to return to his home country... He just told me this last week. He told me that if I hadn't planned on moving, then he wouldn't have moved too. But now it's too late to change anything and he has been preparing himself for our separation... But I know in my heart that he cares, and he is not as prepared as he thinks he is.
Currently, he is away for the holidays. He won't be back till mid January... After that, he doesn't know when he's leaving.
I broke it off with him when I heard. I just didn't know what to do. Right now, we're on a "break" till he gets back.
I'm thinking about going with him to his country, just for the summer, to start off with. I may possibly have another place to live, so we wouldn't have to live together. But I want to make this work. I'm determined not to have him be the one who got away.
Is it ridiculous for me to want to move after only 3 months?

And what of law school? Are you saying that you will move to this man's country after knowning him for only 3 months and give up your dreams of law school? And did he even ask you to move with him?
This guy's behavior is a bit erratic--you tell him you've applied elsewhere, he decides to jump ship and move back home? Very odd to me and doesn't show someone who thinks things through, etc. He's trying to make you feel guilty and it's working.
A person who loves you and supports you (friend and lover alike) will be happy to see you move forward and will at least try to keep the relationship alive without grudges. Doesn't sound R is all that mature so I would definitely NOT shift your life for someone like that.
My 2 cents...
Hope this helps.
I have no idea what his thought process was on this move. I believe his last relationship ended because she moved back to her homeland, so I think I'm taking on some of that baggage.
As far as being uncommunitive, I can't blame him. I can be that way too and its hard for anyone to make themselves vulnerable, especially so soon.
Of course, I'm not going to forget about law school. Hell no. I'm still going to go. But I have not received acceptance letters-- don't even know where I'd end up (if anywhere). Don't know if it would be local or farther away. It's just impossible to tell. And he keeps telling me that he could not handle that indecision. I understand that because I can't handle the indecision of not knowing when he is going to leave.
As far as moving, I would do it for the summer and see how it worked out. I was going to travel to Europe anyway this summer and he's going to the UK, which would be really fun...
But of course, he did not ask me to move with him. Who knows if it would work out. But could it be any worse than right now? If its not going to work out now, then what do I lose by trying a different approach?.. Assuming he would want to try too.
I think you're assuming too much.
Follow your heart, not some guy. If you want to go travel, go travel- and plan a few hours in his neck of the woods on your way through. If he's unable to handle indecisive, he may not be able to handle more commitment.
Keep applying to those schools, one has to accept you and you will begin that new phase of your life, with or without his support.
Alison
Cheers omnigirl,
Bellina sends greetings! Well,I'm glad you're not giving up your goals to pursue law school for this fellow.As for travel abroad to Europe? I'm from the UK(England)and if he's going there I'd only go there placing my career/goals first.Do you have family,friends that support this idea? Trust me,coming from Britain solo I made this bold move,in younger days(15plus years ago),after finishing art/design college and obtaining my degree.My family(parents,sis,brother),moved to US after I got settled here first.Alsohad some relatives residing in Long Island/Pennsylvania are)and had a sort of comfortknowing they were in driving distance.I too was influeced to move from Europe to the states by a fellow(not love interest),just friend as he lived in the Hamptons,NY.This was also another person I'd feel comfortable knowing he'd be there for me.Hopefully,if you do move to UK/Europe,possibley weigh out who else you'd have besides this guy.Even if you feel knowing him (for only 3 months)is enough to inspire one to uproot into a foreign country.Do some research in library/travel agent as to where you'd like think its in ones
best interests to begin studies(in law),best schools,inexpensive housing,etc...I wish you luck in this very bold move! Bellina
I have one member of extended family in the UK. We're not that close, but I could stay with her.
I just can't be content with "the one who got away". This is the stupidest reason I ever heard for two people with so much potential to be separated... And it pisses me off.
It also hurts me so very deeply.
Greetings from Bellina!
I'm going to suggest despite not being too close with your relative in Britain to gett
reacquainted somehow.Perhaps they'll become closer in your given situation if one reaches out,without groveling.You may write this relative,or call and explain what's been happening in your torn state of the heart and mind.If you still would fathom a summer holiday to Europe perhaps they'd suggest where to stay that's not imposing a stay at
their home.Perhaps though in near enough distance to this relative get reaquainted,just to have someone who may help find your way around.I have cousins in a small coastal town in Abruzzi,Italy(my mom's relatives),who never met me until looking them up in the province's phone directory.When they heard my mom's maiden name Manfredi,they opened their
home to me like one of their children,invited to dinner with paisanos(their neighbors),
cooking enough for 10 people.Festivities were that of a holiday,with local musicians(a handsome guitarist to serenade me)and delectable cheeses,homemade pastas,freshcaught fish,homemade breads and pastries,.Anyway,being Italian decent and English raised,Europeans are very warm and usually ready to welcome a distant relation.You may also look up this fellow if he's still there during your visit.He may be totally different,more receptive and willing to get reaquainted whetther romantic,or just casual.Time will tell,if not you've discovered new cultures,new friends and maybe that
true love connection.Best wishes in your pursuit.Oh and if your not romantic,as you claim,being in Europe just may be ones inspiration! Best wishes,Bellina