Insensitive to tears......
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Insensitive to tears......
| Mon, 07-26-2004 - 8:49pm |
My boyfriend gets really cold and distance if I cry. Why are some men so insensitive to tears? I keep telling him that I have feelings and I cry once in awhile. Is there anyway that I can make him be more comforting?

Talk to him about it when you're not in tears and tell him what you need from him. Men respond better if they don't feel they are being coerced into something. Just be honest with him.
My guess is he views your crying as a manipulation and plea for attention.
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If you are crying only when you two get into a fight, he is viewing your crying as emotional blackmail as if you are so mean that I’m now crying etc.
If you want better results, force yourself to walk away and cool down when you are emotional and feel as though you are going to cry and talk to him calmly when you’ve gained your composure and can talk rationally about what is bugging you, or whatever the argument is about.
There are many women that use crying as emotional blackmail and if you are only crying when the two of you fight, I think this may be why you are getting the reaction you are getting, because he feels you aren’t “fighting fair” and there is a fair way to get into an argument, you don’t bring up past indiscretions when it isn’t the topic at hand and you don’t burst into tears to gain the upper hand…even if you aren’t deliberately doing that, it will appear that way too him.
Another option is to ask him what he thinks when you cry. Find out if he is making assumptions about you manipulating him. Find out what is it that makes him back off. When you cry, ask yourself what's going on... maybe he says something that pisses you off. Sometimes, when women are angry, they cry instead. Share that with him.
Use this as an opportunity to communicate with him about your needs, and allow him the chance to express himself. If things don't change to your liking, perhaps it will be time to explore other options with other people.
A~