insight needed into dating situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
insight needed into dating situation
3
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 2:23pm
So I met this guy around 6 weeks ago & we hit it off. He got my number & started calling quite regularly.... thing was I wasn't all that into him bc I was into someone else. Well after a few conversations I realized I really liked this guy... so after a while we start dating/ bf/gf whatever. We hung out 3-4 times a week... then one night we go out with a bunch of mutual friends & one thing leads to another & I end up going home with him. So this all continues thru this past week. I stayed with him all weekend... & monday comes & he doesn't call (though we spoke thru emails ALL day long...) then Tuesday we agree to meet at a friends house & we all hang out & once again I stay at his place... so in the morning I get up & go to work & think everything is fine... we talk all day thru emails again... & I ask what he was doing that night... & he was like "nothing I'm just going to take it easy." SO I didn't pry. Then I casually mention that I might go to our mutual friends apt. & he was like, "Well you can come over to my place if you want... I'm only going to play video games or watch a movie." & I don't say anymore about it. So I get off work & right before leaving tell him to call me later... Well he gets off at 7 & by 9 o'clock I hadn't heard from him. So I decide the phone works both ways & call him. He is eating out at a restaurant by himself. But we still talk for lik 25 minutes & he says that he'll call me later on. Well I never heard a word. I did ask him last night though if he would come over to my place tongiht to hang out & he agreed. Today is his day off & I haven't heard a word from him... I think I at least deserve an apology for not calling last night when he said he would.
Like before I ever went home with him or stayed with him he would write me text messages & call me a few times a day. But now ever since I've stayed at his place it seems to me he's cooled off & is blowing me off... Am I reading too much into this or are my thoughts justified? Like did I ruin a good thing by staying with him? & now he is no longer into the chase cause he caught me?!? I really want to make things work with this guy... but I am the type that thinks if he really liked me then he would be calling me, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 10:08pm
I can't be certain because I don't know the whole situation with the two of you, but I think you might be reading a little too much into this. My roommate actually had a situation like this. She and her bf are very close and spend a lot of time together. Then, one week, it got to Friday and she was a little upset because she hadn't seen him much that week. I suggested that maybe he was having an off week because of outside problems. The next night, he called her up...he had suddenly realized that he hadn't really seen her all week! Ever since then they've been back to normal again and it's been at least a couple months. I would say the future looks good for you too! Especially since your guy said that he was just going to relax at home that one night, it may well be something else that's bothering him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 12:03am

I think the guy has cooled off, (as many guys do after a few nights with a girl) because the thrill of the chase has ended. That is the problem with having sex (or any type of intimacy) too soon. The mystery is gone.

I recommend you read the book by Sherry Argov called "Why men love B's" No, it's not about being a B. It's about putting a few demands on him so you're accomodated. Did you ever wonder why sometimes we see a wildly attractive man cowtowing to a gf or wife who just doesn't seem to care? I knew a very attractive man, I'll call him John. John chased a girl, I'll call her Jane, for about 3 years, before Jane even gave him a "little" more than friendship. She still didn't get intimate with John. She just went on a few dates with him and kissed him. Now Jane isn't the most attractive woman in the world, she's a bit plain, actually. But she has that "something" that made John notice. After 2 years of dating (Jane still hadn't become intimate with him, until she got a 1 1/2 carat diamond engagement ring from John), she finally agreed to marry him. Now they are married for 4 years and John is just crazy about Jane. Sometimes she can be demanding. She asks more favours from him than I've ever seen any other wife ask of her DH. If she wants to eat all the icecream, she will. If she wants to take the cute sports car to her job which is 15 minutes away and leave him the gas guzzling Jeep Liberty for his one hour commute, she will.

I'm not by any means saying to be a B, like Jane. This is an extreme example. But she has John eating out of her hand. If we are involved with our own lives and don't give a bf all the priority, we will accomplish one of two things.
A) We will have a bf or DH who will be commited for life or
B) He will get turned off (but he wouldn't make a good life partner, so who needs him anyway?)

Either way we would be better off.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 6:46am
That's true - things ebb and flow - it's the nature of relationships
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