interested in being more than friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
interested in being more than friends
4
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:28pm
I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months. I am not quite sure where we stand. He wants to take it slow and so do I. His ex really messed him up. He has told me that he is falling for me. I have fallen hard for him and I tried not to. We have known each other for over a year and a half. I am afraid to ask where we are at at this moment in our life. How do I go about finding out? How do I get him to tell me how he feels and what our future may hold? He has told me that he is scared and that he doesn't want to get hurt again. I have told him that I will anything to prevent that as best as possibly. We talk about everything and he opens up to me. But is still hesitant on the getting into a relationship. What do I do? Mel
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:29pm
RCM I have been in your situation and let me tell you please take your time. Give him space. I too was once in a relationship with a guy who was really hurt by a past relationship. And he said to me over and over that I was the best that ever happened to him and that no one ever understood him and love him as I did. But what happened? We lasted 1 year and one month. He was so wounded and he was not used to being loved by someone that he didn't know what to do with me loving him, he couldn't handle it that he left me. I was so hurt because I wanted to ease his pain. As much as I wanted him to stop hurting, I couldn't stop him from hurting as much as I loved him. I lost myself in loving this guy that he generated the same pain in me. If you really love this guy, please give him some time. Be patience. What I have learned as much as man will say he needs helped in getting healed, in reality he doesn't. So please guard your heart. That's all I am saying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:48pm
I agree, RCM, if he can't commit now, chances are, he won't commit with you in the future either. Otherwise he would have done it already. Move on to someone who is on the same timetable as you. Don't wait, or you'll wait forever, like I did, and still not have anything to show for it years later. Save yourself and move on to another.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 3:11pm

Hello Mel!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 3:32pm
Thank you for the help. He and I are close to something we both want but do not want to rush things. He has stated that he has never had someone show him the kind of effection that I am and he really likes it. He told me yesterday that he only wants to make me happy and do the things that couples do but is unsure that he will not live up to my standards. We have talked about everything from him saying "when we have sex" to how much he wants to cuddle with me and just be together. Sometimes he confuses me and I have to admit that I actually like the difficulty that I have gone thru so far at getting us where we are. I have a little boy and when my ex and I stopped trying to fix our relationship he was pissed that my new beau was interested in me. Granted they were not friends at the time but he thought I was doing it on purpose. Now my ex is pushing me to date the one I am seeing and I have just let him know that we are only friends and that if anything else happened it is for me to know and he needs to stay out of it. The only part of my life that he should have anything to do with is our son. Which he does when he wants to and is not very often. As for my beau he is worried about how my ex is going to react to the two of us getting together. Am I doing the right thing and waiting for him and letting everything happen as it happens? I don't want to push him into something he is not ready for let alone be the only one that is falling head over heels so to speak. Mel