Interested in me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Interested in me?
3
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 1:01pm

I've been dating this guy for a little over a month. The first two weeks were fast and furious. I even told him that I wanted to slow down. He insisted on calling me his girlfriend, which I accepted. I never made him define what that meant, which was pretty stupid on my end.

Anyways after we had sex it seemed I was making all the effort for us to get together. He accepted all my calls and saw me whenever I made suggestions, but he did not seem to be intiating things. I was getting ready to go on a week long vacation so I decided that I would not call him while I was gone. While I was on vacation he called me and left me a voice mail saying that he wanted me to call him and he missed me. This was 2:00 in the morning in the time zone he was in so he had probably been drinking. I called him back and we talked briefly and made tentative plans for tonight. When we hung up he said see you in a couple of days. The day after I got back from vacation I called him just to say hi. We only talked for a couple of minutes then we hung up. When we hung up he said hope to see you soon. I have not heard from him all week. Monday I decided to text him and tell him I missed him while I was gone, because I felt I hadn't told him that. On Wednesday I left him a v-mail asking him out to dinner. Like I said I haven't heard from him.

I am really torn. Part of me thinks he is interested and is freaking out and can't or doesn't want to express it. The other part wonders if he is just not that interested. But if he wasn't interested why would he say he missed me and wants to see me.

I'm not sure what to do. Some friends tell me to not contact him at all. Another friend told me to try and get him on the phone and talk to him. I have so much to tell him. I think we need to go back to dating which would mean no sex and seeing other people. I also want to reassure him that I want both of us to remain independent and have our own lives.

What would you do? If I call him I will call him tonight. Thinking about texting him when I get off work asking if we are going out. help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 3:25pm
I hate to say this, but it is very difficult to "turn back" to dating, no sex and seeing other people. There is absolutely no effort to say he misses you when you call him. The two am drinking phone calls don't count either. I firmly believe that actions speak louder than words. If he doesn't call and make an effort, then somehow, he's not as interested as he was. A lot of guys are more interested, before they get you in the sack. They are charming, caring and everything a girl wants in a bf. But some guys are natural hunters and when they get what they want, the thrill of the chase is gone, so they take their gfs for granted (or stop seeing them). Now, I said SOME guys are like this. You should forget about this bloke and find a nice guy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 11:52pm
This guy sounds like he's not into having a real relationship. It seems everything changed after you had sex. He switched gears from the chasing mode to cruise control. It seems now you have to do all the work to keep things alive. A real relationship works by each person meeting each other half way. Not you putting in 90% and him putting in 10%. It will only leave you frustrated and you'll begin to nag him, which will make him withdraw further.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 4:09pm

Hi


I think - hard as it is - you should wait til he contacts you. That is something he seems to do when he doesn't hear from you! that will put you in a position of "power" and then tell him exactly what you wrote in your post. You're not looking for commitment, in fact you're willing to go backwards. You value your independence and enjoy your life as you hope he enjoys his. That's a wonderful attitude -whether it makes him come around or not doesn't matter all that much. The right man will.


Good luck.


Sherry

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