interested in newly divorced man

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
interested in newly divorced man
7
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 3:54pm
I dated a man 7 years ago and it didn't work out. I recently ran into him again w/some mutual friends at a bar and we did some small talk. He is recently divorced. His friend told me he still likes me and wants me to call him. I asked why don't you have him call me instead? His friend said that he's shy and low-confidence as of late. My question is should I call him? And if I do, will I be considered a rebound? (since there is obviously still a physical attraction when we danced together that night I saw him). I've also always been intrigued by him. What should I do? any advice, comments?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 4:32pm

I would call...*once*. I'd aim for a time when he was unlikely to be home, so you could leave a message with your number and put the ball in HIS court.

How long as he been divorced? I'd shy away from dating someone whose divorce hasn't been final for at least a year.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 6:39pm

clouds77...

Pianoguy's suggestion:

Why not set up a "lunch date" in a public place? This way the 2 of you can chat, but leave in separate cars when you're finished?

Hopefully...you can keep things "casual" at the beginning? Few divorcees (male or female) like to feel "rushed" when it comes to letting another partner in their lives.

But give us time...and we'll usually "come around?"

Pianoguy (who is divorced, but is also STILL SEARCHING for the right lady)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 6:45pm
thanks for the advice...i haven't decided what to do yet...as much as i want to contact him and reaquaint myself w/him again, i already know what i'll be getting myself into. as much as i tell myself it will just be "casual," it is apparent we are still physically attracted to each other. but yes, i'd just like to be friends w/him again...and maybe whatever happens happens...later on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 7:29am

As a soon to be newly divorced women.. I say call him once and then leave it at that...

I know for myself.. i'm not looking to get into a relationship for at least six months or longer... I need time to heal my heart and to work on my inner self.. this may or may not hold true for this guy.. It's a lonely world out there when you are newly single and it would be so easy to fill that void with someone but i'm wise enough to realize that this is a recipie for disaster..

I see nothing wrong with having lunch or something with this guy and developing a platonic friendship with him but tread carefuly on the other stuff.. someone is bound to get hurt..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 4:49pm
MAybe you can suggest going out with a group of people since you have mutual friends. And yes, be cautious since he's newly divorced (how newly?) it's a tumultuous time for him
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 2:04am
So I texted him to call me...he called me back. I guess he didn't know who it was 'til he called. we had 'small talk' and he said he'd call me back when he got back into town. I thought maybe it'd be 50/50 chance that he'd call. I had no expectations. He never called. His/my friends (we have mutual friends) ended up calling me and asking me to hang out w/them and said that he was going to be there. I ended up bailing on the offer, but said next time. My question is, why didn't he call me back? oh well, it was kind of expected, I guess. Maybe he doesn't want to get my hopes up? maybe he's not interested? Or maybe he just wants to hang out in a group, or maybe he knew he'd see me again, but in a group setting...? =/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 2:21pm
Yes, you don't want to wind up being rebound!
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