Interested or pushy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Interested or pushy?
6
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:12pm
I had been talking to a guy online for about a month, and very recently met up with him. I would really like to see him again. He said the same of me, was very complimentary, talked about "the next time" and such. At another point in the evening, he said he "likes to take things slow, just hang out and if something happens, great". We have continued to talk online since.

I am very interested in spending more time with him, but if he wants to take things slow, I don't want to scare him off. What is the best way to show him how interested I am without being pushy?


Edited 5/3/2004 4:12 pm ET ET by squeevil

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Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:52pm
Sounds like you've already showed him your level of interest. Do I understand it correctly that you only had one date with him and the rest has been online? If that's the case, it's not a good sign -- that's not a good way to develop something with someone IRL or get to know them. And if that's the case I'd say his "taking it slow" statement is just an excuse to put off asking you out again. If he was truly interested in dating you, he'd ask you out again (if he's emotionally healthy and available). You cannot get to know someone through email, IM or phone. You need face to face interaction, and lots of it, for a relationship of any kind to develop, and to get to know someone as a real person. Dont' worry about anything you say or do "scaring him off." If that happens, he wasn't the right person for you and he wasn't that interested in sticking around to see what could happen. That's my 2¢.
Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:58pm
Good feedback to the OP Zurah. Any guy who "gives good phone" or "gives good IM" is a waste of hope and time. When they are truly interested, they can't wait to ask you for your time.

I'm talking from experience. There's my 2 cents. : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 4:15pm
To be fair, we met less than a week ago.

I don't know if that changes anything or not...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 5:26pm
Sorry if you thought my reply was unfair in some way. Not sure I understand that, but.... I stand by my last reply regardless. In my opinion, talking to someone online for a month before meeting in person isn't a good idea. And if you only met him this week, it's way too early to start worrying about how to act or what to do or say or if he's interested etc. If he is, he'll ask you out. Just don't fall into the trap of being an online buddy. If he keeps to the computer for contact, suggest meeting again and tell him you like to get to know someone in person as opposed to online. If he doesn't want to do that, then move on b/c he's not interested in the same thing you are, with you. Hope that helps.


Edited 5/3/2004 5:28 pm ET ET by zurah
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 12:19pm
I'm sorry; I didn't mean you were being unfair at all. I actually meant that I thought I was being unfair to him - I was afraid that what I had written made it sound like we had gone out a month ago and he still wasn't calling...

Anyway, thanks for your input. I know I am getting ahead of myself in worrying about where this is going after only one date. I know he is very busy (not an excuse, just a factor) and I'm trying to just take things as they come. Sometimes it helps to hear someone else reinforce it.

Thanks again!


Edited 5/4/2004 12:24 pm ET ET by squeevil

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 1:45pm
Squeevil, just remember that people do what they want to do, no matter how busy they are. We're all busy. That's why our behavior reflects our priorities. Just keep in focus what you are looking for and don't settle for less than that. Keep us posted on how it goes and good luck!