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| Sat, 11-20-2004 - 3:45am |
I am a college student who has never had sex and takes a certain amount of pride knowing that my wedding night will be my first time...Just over 2 monts ago, my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me out of the blue. He had his reasons (I had never gone as far physically as he had and I refused to and it was hard for him to not have what he was wanting...) he said that he still wanted to be friends and that we would look at getting back togther in a bit. Less then two weeks later he goes camping with one of our mutual friends for her birthday, when I next saw her I asked how the trip went (I did not know that he went with her). She told me that she had a few too many drinks, did some stuff with a guy she probably shouldn't have done, and said some things to a guy she probably shouldn't have said. That made me think that possibly my Ex had gone with her (becasue I knew who was supposed to go and none of them actoually went). So I called him and asked him if he went camping with her and if stuff happened...it was him and stuff did happen. It hurt, but that's their perogative...I was more mad at my friend and hurt by her actions then I was at him (we wern't together). I talk to him two days later and he tells me that they are dating and that whenever I was ready to yell at him to let him know, because he deserved. Well, I finally was ready to yell at him so I go and "yell". I then see my friend (I stopped by the place I used to work to get something (she still works there) and we start talking (I can be civil) so I hold converstaion and she out of the blue tells me "yeah, I misscarried last week" "WHAT?!?" Wasn't expecting that one...she tells me that it happens the weekend that they went camping...she was drunk, etc. So I leave, accecpting what she says and start thinking...it takes at least two weeks to know if you are pregnant...she said that she had known for a week that she was before she misscarried...that makes conception no more then three days after me and this guy broke up (he was the daddy). After I realized that and made sure that my assumptions were correct I say in shock for a few days...I didn't know what to do, say, or even feel. Me and this guy talked about getting married and our futures together, how I could get done with school early and everything. I was so incredibly hurt by the two of them, I wanted to kill them (my friends thankfully took my car keys from me so I couldn't). At times I still want to be friends with him (although I do now know if that is the best idea or not) but I could very easily live the rest of my life without ever seeing her agian. Friends don't do that...especially friends who know how much you love this guy that just broke your heart. But in a way I think that it has made it easier to get over him...I have a reason to hate him (even though I find it hard to). While we were together he was so great...I have a bad knee and it went out on my this summer and he would drive an hour in the mornings to take me to a 7am class, then pick me up from class, then take me to work, then take me home from work (work is 30mins from where I live and I live an hour from him) and if he was working when I got off he would find me a ride home. He made my birthday the best one that I have had in a LONG while, he made friends with all of my friends, he was a GREAT guy and so I am finding it hard to "hate" him. I sitll love him, and while my love for him has changed he will always have a special place in my heart...
How do I know when I am over him? I don't want to start a new relationship and compare it to the one that we had...how do I avoid that? Is it ok to remember the good times that we had? How much is remembering them too much? Is being friends a good idea? I really don't know what to do...

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i wouldn't ever talk to either one of them again.
him for being an idiot.
her for not being a friend.
adios to both of them.
and you hold your head high and find a decent man and leave this one behind.
be aloof and cool and slam that door shut.
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