Internet confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Internet confused
5
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 2:36pm
About 2 monthes ago while playing a quiz I met this wonderful guy, who soon became a good friend on msn. soon we were speaking and writing to each other daily photos were exchanged and phone numbers.Well everyday he sent me a e-mail and so did I and we could´nt wait to get on line to speak, he is in the middel of a divorce and quite confused with the situation, because he has 3 children I on the other hand am single, well all our letters were sweet with i dreamt of you the whole night lots of kisses and hearts , can´t wait till the evening to be on msn with you, and the phone calls came every second day just to say something or other.

Then all of a sudden a get a letter telling me that there can never be anything between us because of the distance him living in belgium me in Portugal and that maybe in a year or 2 things would get better, but all e-mail contact and phone must stop because I was making him unconfortabel. I was really very upset and told him that i was only his friend nothing else and I would´nt write anymore.

When he comes on line he usally sends a kiss but now he does´nt but he does when he goes off I asked him why he said that I wanted something he could´nt give but the ending kiss still comes on.

Do you think I am in much of hurry and he is scared and I should let off a bit or do you think he is playing with me. How should i treat him from now on he carries on teasing me that he went to australia in a day to see his girlfrinen then laughts out loud that he is only teasing so I do the same. I am quite confused since I have grown to love him. Do you think he needs space to sort out his ideas? please advice me on this matter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 3:56pm
I think he needs more than space, don't BOTHER with the guy. Delete his name from your list of contacts. He wants nothing more than games. For him to be so rude joking about some girlfriend he has- I doubt it is a joke, he probably does have one.

You deserve better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 4:49pm
Hi Alison thanks for your kind advice but now I am in another problem here, and I really don´t know how to solve the problem. I really do love this guy very much because he is so honest and sweet with me all the time. Last night he told me he had something to tell me,that he had met a girl on the net last year and that he grew to love her then he had gone to visite her in november and she had a lot of finacial problems so he had lent her money but she had told him she did´nt have the time for him. She still has´nt payed him back, but the poor thing works day and night to pay him back ( but not a dime yethe has seen) now she had come back to the net to chat with him and he said she was someone special in his life but that was all.

Because I love him a lot and care what happens to him I told him that I hoped he would be very happy but I thought she was playing with him and if she intended to pay back she could have started to do so long ago , he agreed but on the other hand is always excusing her actions.Well he had´nt phoned me for over two weeks we ended the conversation with me telling him that he should´nt have led me on if he was thinking of someone else, he said he was sorry but the last thing on his mind was hurting me, and it´ did´nt mean anything was coming out of his feelings for this person, who he has´nt seen since last year.

I know he trusts me to have told me these secrets, today he went on holidays for 12 days to the south of France. We ended our conversation with me wishing him a super holiday, this morning surprise of all surprises he phones me telling me not to worry about him that he would take care and that the 12 days would go by very fastfor us to be on chat again.

I wonder do you think he is testing my friendship and he is confused about everything or is he playing with my feelings. when he told me about the girl i was real bitch his reply to this was one moment you are sweet and loving the next bitchi.

Please give me some input on this situation do you think I should carry on being his friend and play along and see what comes out or not I do love him a lot, repeating myself sorry.Maybe during these 12 days things will become different and he will change towards me maybe even miss me,, thanks for the advice really need it
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:00pm
This guy is playing games with your heart. Why would he tell you about this other girl? If he's not interested in her, why bring her up? Then for him to say you're BITCHY because you do not take the news that he may want someone else well? I would have reacted the same way!

You said in the first post that he suddenly wanted you to stop all contact with you. I think it may be because he did find a girl to be with and didn't want her seeing your name in his message box. Now he's telling you about some girl that owes him money. I don't really call that a secret, as you refer to it. You were right to voice your concern about her not having paid him back any of the money she borrowed. He may have been played by this girl and that's his own problem.

I don't believe this guy is a good friend. I think he doesn't have your best interest at heart. He's trying to see how much you will put up with. You may love him, and that's fine, you can love people and not have anything to do with them. Some people thrive on having a hold on someone, and he seems to be this way. If you are unavailable to him, how does he react? If he calls you again on his trip, don't answer the call- or if you do, say you were "just on your way out the door, great to hear from you, hope you're having a great time, talk to you later." When he comes back, take your time responding to emails from him, if at all. You need to focus on those around you and not worry so much about some guy on the computer.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:00am
well I took you good advice but today I could´nt resit sending him a text message to his cell, where I told him that I had met this super guy from his country as well, and that he was very sweet and every night we were talking to each other and just like him he was getting a divorce,well to cut to the chase i wished him a good holiday and a safe trip back,.Well to my surprise not even 8 minutes had gone by and he was phoning me to tell me that this weekend he would be back, i mentioned the guy again and he just said nice very nice nothing more.Do you think he is jealouse what do I do next, I think this is working out.

Thanks for your advice and please give me some more of your wonderfull input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 12:18pm
I doubt he's jealous. He was telling you about another girl, which to me, is a sign that he's telling you that he's moving on and you should do the same. Go on and meet other people and forget about this guy.

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