Internet "lover" troubles
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Internet "lover" troubles
| Thu, 10-05-2006 - 9:45pm |
I've had this so-called internet "lover/boyfriend" for a little over a year now. We both already have partners, but we still felt a very strong connection....or, at least I did. He was never all that into emailing, but we did IM often, and we've talked on the phone a few times. Altho' we live close to 2000 miles apart, he kept insisting that we were going to meet. Well, to make a long story short, over time his contact has been getting less and less frequent. I do understand he gets very busy with his work and his band, but lately it seems like I'm the one initiating all the contact.... with seldom a reply. Like a fool, I've developed deep feelings for him, and he claimed to have the same feelings for me, and all this other sweet-talk, but his actions are speaking a lot louder than his words! He's also passive-aggressive, and I can't deal with that type of behavior well. I feel he's just playing around with my head and heart and he's attracted to me only physically...and that his sweet-talk is a bunch of BS! He's "disappeared" on me again, so I'm doing the same--not to mention, I'm throwing in the towel. Guess it's best to stay with someone who truely loves me for me. Can anyone tell me anything about passive-aggressive behavior? I'm just trying to figure out what makes "lover-boy" do and say the things he does.

First of all, what's going on in your real relationship that led you to visit a dating site in the first place? Are you married... living together... exclusive? If your relationship is any of the above, you are deceiving your SO. Sexual and love chatter with other men online is not a harmless pasttime when your partner doesn't know anything about it, and if he would be hurt if he knew.
And as to your "Internet lover..."
Romances that exist only through computer exchanges and phone calls aren't real. People lie about themselves and feel free to say things they have no intention or ability to actually do. Even if the guy had followed through on his promise to meet you, I'd bet $100 it would have been disappointing. When a man is hesitating or coming up with excuses when it's time for to meet in person, there's something wrong. Many times it's because he's married or has an SO (like you), and the Internet is his way of "cheating" without risking himself physically or financially. Something to think about...
It's not about what makes him do this on again off again behavoir but why are you allowing yourself to be hooked? It's a distraction from dealing with the issues in your relationship. you need to resolve that one way or the other before trying to meet someone else.
Fantasy is fun but it's not a healthy place to live.
"Altho' we live close to 2000 miles apart, he kept insisting that we were going to meet."
It was that statement that made me think you had never met this man, and that's why I assumed he was from a dating site. That, and the fact you call him your "Internet lover." But OK...
I'm glad to hear you and your boyfriend have an open relationship and you know about each other's extracurricular activities. But in terms of how you "fell" for the Internet guy, I think you just got caught up in a romantic fantasy you and he concocted over the course of the year.
But an "Internet lover" is usually carrying on the same kind of torrid online affair with several women. And, oh my goodness, he's a MUSICIAN too? I think it's fair to say it would have been an uphill battle to get a real relationship out of HIM!
Keep moving on. Give your boyfriend at home a second look. Maybe it's time you and he made a new agreement and/or commitment. Take care.