Intuition

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Intuition
9
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:41am

I have been sharing with this board my experience with my pen pal soldier from Iraq. He has been home for a week and we met once. Although I have been told I am over reacting...I just know when it is time to let go. Now is the time. He called me more when he was over seas. Since he has been home, amd moreover, since we met, he has only called my cell phone. He never called my cell phone unless he can't reach me at home first. Now he calls my cell phone and leaves messages when he knows I am at home. I have spoken with him approx. 10 min since he has been stateside.

I just know that if a guy is into you, he will want to touch base person to person sometime. And although the last two messages stated that he missed me and loved me, my intuition tells me to move on.

He is feeling quilty for confessing that he had such depth of feelings for me while in Iraq and when reality of us meeting set in, he realized that he has been premature. Which I warned him about.

As soon as I think I have men figured out...I get thrown another curve ball.

Thanks for all your input.

Sincerely,
Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: truewild1969
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:21am

HEre's the thing about people in jail, or in combat, or still "married".....while you converse with them thinking "possibilities of a relationship exist".

Those people are in positions of confinement...the options they have are limited because of their present situations. ANYTHING that is offered as a respite or reprieve or as potential of that from where they are or the situation that they're in SOUNDS WONDERFUL....and to what extent they can - they indulge 210%.

What's the difference between those situations above - and being a free, clear, no obligation, optioned, opportunitied individual? EVERYTHING isn't considered a relief and a distraction....it's got to be reviewed for its worth and value "to me" based on my options and potential.

I'm sure in Iraq....this guy was inundated with feelings and memories of "home"...and the good old American Norman Rockwell image prevailed. I want a house, I want kids, I want a wife, I want a picket fence, I want a two car, one mortgage family, I want Christmas under the tree with loads of presents.....I WANT...I WANT...I WANT.....precisely what at that moment he didn't have and wasn't sure he ever would again.

He comes home....the threat of death in the trenches no longer a reality....the option to find a job, live anywhere he wants, pursue whatever interests him, ecause he has no obligations and responsibilities other than to pursue his interests and live within the moral and legal confines of our society.....and now all that he "wanted" so badly while there - is seen in a more objective perspective...not just "what it's going to bring me"...but "what it's going to require of me".

And in light of options....requirement can't be considered excessive. With no options - any requirement in order to get that reprieve and security was "desired and worth it and no problemo".

That's why anybody in a situation where they're not a complete, secure, successful, happy, self-defined, self-responsible, self-"made" individual in their lifestyle of personal creation and preference and maintennce - cannot "choose" a partner except based on the neeeds of the moment, in light of the options at hand.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: truewild1969
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:54pm

He just EMAILED me and said he misses me and asked if I missed him? He also said that he can't wait to see me again....Love Pauly....WTF?

Should I just ignore him?

Or should I email him back and ask when does he plan to see me again?

He leaves for his home to see his family for two weeks..then back here until the beginning of Dec for which he will return to Iraq for another two month tour.

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: truewild1969
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:58pm

Does this align with your standards and needs? If not - break it off and find osmeone closer to home.

Are you wanting a relationship where when the guy is around - he doesn't see you because he's got other things to do and people to be with - and when he's not around he's perpetually emailing you with "i miss and love you".

This is his definition of a "relationship" - him saying and doing whatever he wants, whenever and with whoever - and if you stick with it - you're doing it becuase itmeets your needs......

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: truewild1969
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:03am
Well I have completely blown him off. Deleted all email, messenger name...and thrown pictures away. This morning he calls all three of my phones wanted to get in touch with me. He says he misses me, loves me, and would really love to hear from me. I didn't take any of his calls.

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
In reply to: truewild1969
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 12:02pm
Gosh, arent you being a little hard on him? I don't know all your story, but if he has been in Iraq and been through hell like most of the soilders have I pretty sure he need to get back to "normal life" and adjust to being back in the states. I would give him some time, he IS expressing his interest in you, I'm not sure what you want from him at the moment. Well just my opinion from what I have read, but if you gut tells you there's something wrong, then it very well might be. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: truewild1969
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 12:37pm

Yes I have over reacted far too much on this guy all together. I am going to chill and take it all in stride.

Thanks for all of your most appreciated feedback

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
In reply to: truewild1969
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 1:13pm

I don't think you are overreacting. You expected more, you did not get it. You have every right to have had expectations. They were not fulfilled, and that is frustrating.

My question is, if life was so hard for him in Iraq, why was he trying to connect with you?

You can use this as an opportunity to figure out what you want. If you don't think this guy can give it to you, let him go.

A~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: truewild1969
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:49pm

I think that you owe it to him to say, "hey, thanks but no thanks." I'm sure that you would appreciate that courtesy extended to you if he was wanting out. So send him a quick note, call and leave a quick message, and just end it.

Then figure out what you DO want in a relationship and stick with it. Never settle for less than what you are looking for.

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: truewild1969
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:05pm
I would love to explore things with this guy. However we met vai online..and I am skeptical as to what one's motives are. Typically if a guy is into me, I know it. With him I am confused. Due to the fact that he just got back from Iraq. He literally went on a mission last week where he was barely killed, not to mention what he had to do to protect himself. He is only home for a few months then he is back to Iraq again. So these are my thoughts....

I can not expect to be priority at this point. He has to readjust...check into his family and get ready to go back. Now..does he want a strong woman...Yes I think so. She would really ahve to be strong to deal with his Iraq rotation. If we devleoped "SOMETHING" while he was home, and I honestly grew to care about him..I could be that.

I tried to tell give him an out today...He called me and told me that when he read that email his heart sank. Is this sincere? I don't know. Then he had to go due to the fact that he was at work. But he loved me dearly and missed me. He said he would call later.

He didn't. I hate it when a guy says they will call and then don't.

So I am back at where I started. I don't know what this guy wants? What do I want...I want the relationship we discussed that we wanted to be for each other.

Jodie

 

http://tickers.ticke