involved with a married man
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involved with a married man
| Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:19pm |
I am involved with a married man and need some advice on what to do. I have only been seeing this gentleman for about 1 month. He was honest with me from the beginning and continues to be honest with me as time progresses. How do I know? He is doing everything under his power to prove it to me. He gave me the passcode to his cell phone, (which I have changed), He has shown me letters and pictures that prove his stories true. He promised me that he would leave her and that we would be together. Do I believe this all? NO not at all. Men can talk the talk, However I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, Keeping my heart at a distance and not allowing him to hurt me. We talk on a constant basis and I see him at least three times a week. He swears that I am his angel sent from heaven to help him through his situation. Anyways to keep my heart protected we made an agreement. He gave me a date that he would leave, the end of July 2005. If he doesn't leave I get to call his wife and tell her about our affair. Sex is not involved as of yet. Alot of talking,hugging and kissing. Am I gullable? Not at all. I am very strong emotionally and know the consequences before hand. I am strong enough for the both of us and I am ready to handle this situation (no matter the outcome) I am giving him a chance to prove himself. Noone is perfect and people make mistakes all the time. I know it seems a long time away but there are alot of issues at hand. The last thing I want to do is cause more stress on him. There is a child involved and since I am a single parent. I know the last thing we want to do is hurt any of the children. Oh! By the way the wife is using his son as a weapon to keep him. He also states that his wife knows about me (that him and I talk on the phone and all) I think in some way he wants to get caught. It will make it easier for him(so he thinks). I don't think he realizes it is going to be alot worse in the long run. I am going to support him no matter what. Anyways it might possible that we have already been caught. My number will be on his cell phone bill (due due out anyday), so I have changed my message to an automated one so she won't know who the number belong to. I know she will attempt to call it a numerous of times. I made the decision to do this, not because I am scared of her, but for his sake.I don't want any problems. I know it's too late for that now. So anyways, should I put my voice message back on? Please give me some advice. I am so confused. I KNOW this is wrong but I can't help to think that this is so right but at the worng time. Please help.
jan
jan

Your story really isn't that unique, its no different from any other persons story that is having an affair, on the one hand you think he's an upstanding and honest man, but how can he be both? How can he be upstanding and honest and a liar and a cheat to his marriage vows and family? You can't have it both ways. Also, the man is always the wounded party that has done his all to save this marriage and the wife is the hideous mean woman that is holding him hostage to his responsibilities to his children. Sounds pretty typical of what men say to the women they have affairs with. I'd suggest going to the Affair support board as this is a dating board and you aren't dating, you are having an affair. We really can't give you advice here. That board is the perfect place for you to be. You haven't been seeing him long, go read the agony and stories of people whom have been in these situations for years even, they are miserable one week, gloriously happy the next, back down to miserable. If you like that kind of roller coaster of emotions, than so be it, it's a great board for supporting this type of relationship.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmyaffair
Good luck!
"Married man
Gentleman
Honest
He promised
July 2005
I get to call his wife and tell her about our affair
He states that his wife knows about me
Sex
There is a child involved
Wife is using his son as a weapon to keep him
Problems
I KNOW this is wrong"
You definitely need to get to the Adultery board, asap. My dear, there is no such thing as protecting one's heart from hurt. You have already set the stage for your disappointment.
Go now, please.