Irresistable !!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
Irresistable !!
10
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 9:25am

I had been dating a guy on and off a few months ago, his ex-girlfriend has decided she is wanting to try and get back with him, 'cos they have kids together, anyway he and I have stayed friends. He has told me that we shouldn't continue with an intimate relationship, we used to fool around. Last night he invited me over for a visit to chat and watch a movie. We are extremely attracted to each other and after 2 hours of behaving ourselves, he started kissing me and touching me. I of course didn't resist 'cos I have such strong feelings for him. When I was leaving he kissed me some more and he seems to have genuine feelings for me.

I can't make out if he is just playing with me or has feelings for me, but feels obliged to keep his family together ?

Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:27am

You need to stay away from this guy IMO. He may be grudgingly working things out with the ex, but they have kids together and they are attempting to work on a relationship. Sure, there is a good chance it won't work out because whenever you try to "do it for the kids", often it doesn't work out unless there is genuine love for each other there. But you need to respect his decision and if you can't keep your hands off each other when you are alone, you need to put a stop to it until he is completely free and not dating this other woman. Go out with him only in groups - do not go to his house or hang out with him alone.

Also, I am sure you don't like the other woman, but you owe her a little respect as the mother of his children and as a human being. How would you feel if you knew the father of your child who had agreed to work things out with you was running around with another woman behind your back?

He might have genuine feelings for you but as long as he is trying to work things out with the ex, you are the "other woman" and you will never know. If he does have genuine feelings for you, he will let the ex know he will be there for her financially and for the kids in all ways but that continuing a relationship with her is impossible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:47am

Hi
THanks for your insight. I agree with you but it is still so difficult to let go of him, I'm a fool I know. I just went over to his place to watch a movie, we hadn't seen each other for weeks. He asked for a friendly hug and then half an hour later he was passionatately kissing me. It always feels so good and right that I don't resist.

I just don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 12:31pm

Hey - I know - been there done that! That's why I suggest only seeing him in groups if you still want to see him. You might even let him know that he means a lot to you and it is difficult for you to hang out with him on a platonic level so you need to cool it for a while. Try not to make it an ultimatum like "until you get rid of the ex" but let him know that YOU can't handle being with him unless you are really together.

And you're not a fool so don't say that! Feeling wanted emotionally, physically and sexually is a biological thing and something we all crave. That power of human touch is so strong! You and this guy do share feelings for each other and in the right place at the right time, maybe you can act on them but unfortunately, this isn't it. You deserve to have someone that can be there for you in all ways. This guy sounds like he doesn't know what he wants right now so it is better to steer clear until he figures it out.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 12:46pm
He shouldn't have asked you over knowing how strongly you feel, it's not fair to you.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 2:17pm

Hi Again

Thanks for that. Do you think I should tell him how I feel about him ? The problem is that I have such strong feelings for him and if it wasn't for the ex getting involved and spoiling it all, he is exactly the type of man I want to be with.

He also phones me every night to see how I am and to chat, like last night he called to say that today he was going up to the "bush" to do some prosepecting and he should be back in town at about 8pm and he'll call me then to tell me how it went.

I know I am the "other" woman, but although a part of me really wants his family to work out, there is also a part of me that desperatly doesn't want it to work out so we can be together !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 2:28pm

At this point other than telling him that you are not sure you can stay just platonic friends with him and so shouldn't spend more time with him alone, I would not tell him your feelings. He is screwed up enough right now with all that is going on. Besides, doing that makes him choose between you and the ex and that isn't fair right now.

Your best bet is to put a stop to communication and hanging out with him until you either get over your feelings and can truly just be friends or he breaks up with the ex. In the meantime, don't sit around pining for him hoping that he will break up with her. Get out with friends, meet other guys, have fun. There are so many of those "right person at the wrong time" things. This could be one of them. But there might be someone else that is the right person at the right time and you are not finding him because you are hung up on the guy that is trying to work things out with his ex.

You deserve to be happy and you won't be as long as you keep your hope that he'll break up with her and be with you. If you are out having fun and meeting people, you will be more likely to move on and find someone that is available.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 2:44pm

Thanks again. I have started getting involved in other things, joined a youth social group, joined the gym. I don't usually make the first move to contact him though, he always contacts me. I mean I try to "keep away" from him, even though it's really difficult, but he always seems to end up contacting me, over the phone or email. Its then that I get confused, 'cos its almost like he is pursuing me, that's when I get confused about his intentions or his feelings.

Gosh, I feel like I'm trapped in a soap opera !!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 5:37pm

It might be easier for you if you think of him this way: he is trying to have his cake and eat it too.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2005
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 5:46pm

THanks for that, I absolutely agree with you and everyone else that has given me advice today. It is so frustrating 'cos I have never been so damn stupid before. Its almost like I can't believe he would treat me like this.

I see exactly what you see, I'm just so cautious in that if I tell him to get lost, then I'll definately lose him forever, but if I keep quiet and keep my distance maybe he will come to his senses......

I'm just a total sucker !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: foxytots
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 6:04pm

If I were you I'd tell him that he needs to respect you and leave you alone for a while. There are ways to say that nicely but it is definitely something that you need to do so you can start to move on.

And I said it before - quit saying your stupid! You're not. We do funny things when we like people. We just need to learn from them and move on.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo