Issue with age difference
Find a Conversation
Issue with age difference
| Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:47am |
I met this guy about 3 weeks ago and there was instant chemistry. We saw each other a couple of times before he asked me out. We went out on a date, during the date I mentioned to him that I didn't want to know how old he was b/c I didn't want to have an issue with it. I told him how old I am. I believe he is about 25 and I am 29 (will be 30 at the end of the year). When I told him how old I was he said oh, that's ok. I usually hang out with people your age anyway. I was very happy about that. He is actually someone I completely enjoy being with. He makes me happy. I am very sexually attracted to him and I have not felt this way about a guy in a long time. One night I went over to his place and we made out. The first make out session I've had in months and it was so great. A couple of days later he called me up and said that he thought I was really cute and funny, but that HE had an issue with our age difference and just wanted to be friends. We have hung out a few times since then and always have a good time. He did tell one of his friends the other day that I was "cool, but had an issue with the age difference." I'm not sure what to do b/c I really do like this guy and he opens up quite a bit, but then closes off very quickly. I can tell he just wants to be friends, but I'm very frustrated b/c I want more. A few of his friends have told me that he hasn't dated anyone in at least a year. A few of my friends said that I should let him be and not call him for awhile and see what happens. I want him to stay in my life though even if it is just as friends. I don't know how to handle this situation. Please, help.
Confused....

A 5 year age difference isn't a big deal, but perhaps this man is getting teased about dating "an older woman" from some of his friends? Pianoguy is aware of the fact that there are several males out there who will END SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS to avoid any negative comments!
If age IS a personal hang-up with the man you're seeing...the only thing you can try to do is reasssure him that "hanging out" with a 25-year old baby doesn't bother YOU in the slightest! Being able to love and nurture him is a real 'turn-on' for you!
Try to stress to him that his mutual respect and a genuine desire to be around you matters a lot more than the difference in your birth certificates! Assuming the man isn't embarrassed by being in your presence, why not ask him: "How can I help you get past our age differences...when you know deep down inside...that You and I are a 'perfect fit' everywhere else???"
Then see how he responds. Good Luck....
Pianoguy
Another thing, we were out with one of his friends and his friend invited me to a dinner party that he is having in about a week. Is that a good sign? It was the first time I had met his friend. Everytime we go out though he is always introducing me to his friends.
Also, if we do continue to see each other as friends when do I ask the questions you posed? It's not like we really talk about stuff like that. I don't want to make things any more uncomfortable.
Thank you for your help.
Pianoguy thinks you should accept the dinner invitation...assuming the fact that your b/f
is also invited and will accompany you.
Question: Do YOU do most of the calling? Or is this a 50/50 arrangement?
I honestly think he should be sharing the responsibility of setting things up...so during a quiet moment together, perhaps you could "suggest" that you alternate 'dating ideas?' This way...you can compliment each other!
As I thought about my earlier response to you, the song: "Let's take things NICE 'N' EASY" by Frank Sinatra kept circulating through my head. Maybe this is the way you both should "play out" your relationship till 2005?
If you LIKE the way things are progressing...S-L-O-W D-O-W-N and take your time! :)
Pianoguy
The problem is that we are not dating. He is not my b/f, we are just friends. It started off as dating, but after a few dates he said he enjoyed hanging out with me, that I was attractive etc., but wanted to hang out as friends with no expectations. I want it to be more than friends though, but he is letting a 5 year age difference stand in the way. We have really good chemistry when we are together. I am very happy when he is around.
Right now the calling has been pretty mutual. He initiated contact at first, but I was the last person to call and suggest doing something. Which we did go out to dinner with his friends and go see a couple of live bands. As you can tell I'm not very good at this. It's been so long since I actually liked a guy that I'm not sure what to do. I guess it boils down to, if he doesn't call me by the time of the dinner party should I just forget about it?
Thank you again for your help!
You need to go out and get this book, "Why Men Love Bitches" I think every women should read it and use it as their "bible" when it comes to dating. This book really helped me out. Let us know how things go, Good Luck!
You don't SOUND ok with being just friends, since you want more. But if you really are, and it's just not coming out that way in the posts, then go for it. But do NOT expect that his feelings are going to change...that's just a recipe for heartache.
Sheri