is it bad if he talks bout his ex alot?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
is it bad if he talks bout his ex alot?
6
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:51pm
Hi I am new with the message board, but I have a question and i am really confused, I just started talking to this guy and I like him alot and he has been asking me to do stuff with him alot. We have a great time and I really think he likes me. But he is always talking about his ex who he just broke up with at the beginning of summer. Why is that? Is he trying to make me jealous or not over her or is he trying to tell me hes not sure if hes ready for another relationship? I am so confused. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Rachel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 8:19pm
it's definetly not a good sign...i've never been able to understand why people try to make others jelous, and ususally can't pick up when they are because i don't understand it...but the times i've seen it it's becuase someone like someone else, but they aren't liked back...so they think that flirting with someone else will, make the person they like like them back....makes no sense to me....

But, in my opinion, he's not over her...it also kida depends on what he says about her. if he's saying things like " I hate her, she's a B*****" then he still has a lot of anger left over from teh relationship, and you should give him about two more months to cool off before you try to date him. But if he's still kinda wounded and saying things like "she was disrespectful of me," then he may need to talk out his left over problems...but in general if he's still talking about her a lot, then there's a lot of left over emotions that he needs to address before the two of you can begin any type pf functionable relationship.

Hope I helped,

Rosie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 10:26pm
I would be blunt but polite. Next time he brings up his ex say, " I'm sorry but hearing about your ex makes me feel uncomfortable. Could we talk about something else?"

or if you really feel like you can't come out and say that, then change the subject very quickly every time he mentions her.

He is probably just not over her and maybe he does not realize how often he brings it up. If he is saying things like,"my ex was sooo wonderful.." and things like that, then I would run the other way, but if he is just making general comments, I am sure he doesn't mean to upset you and he would want to know that it makes you feel uncomfortable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:28am
Thank you so much for your help it has helped me alot.I saw him lastnight and he didnt say anything about her, and after reading yours and others reply (which I really appreciate) I tried to remember and pay attention to how he talks about her, And I seriously dont think he realizes he talks about her but I also think he is trying still to get over her. Because its never negative or lovey dovey I just dont think he really notices it.

That brought me to another question though. Maybe he doesnt really like me. Maybe he just thinks of me as a friend.I dont think he does but how could I find that out. It took him 2 weeks to aske for my number but when he did we talked everyday or saw eachother.How can I find out if he at least likes me? Sorry about all these questions, but I am really confused.Thank for all your help!!!!!!!!!!

Rachel
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:32am
Hi Rosie,

Thank for your help I really appreciate it.I totally understood what you were saying,I posted another question so if you have any advice on that I would greatly appreciate it.Thanks again.

rachel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:02pm
I have been going through the same thing with mine, I think it is because they are not over their ex, maybe since it is so new you should give it a little more time. Mine however has been 3 years and I don't think he will ever get over it. Don't let it go on for long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 1:09pm
thanks ilizzy61,

I had a feeling that is what it was.Thank you so much for taking time to read and respond to my question. I dont plan on letting go for long but I dont want to come across as this really insecure person either. Thanks again so much and I hope things go better for your guy and you.

Rachel