Is it hard for some guys to.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Is it hard for some guys to.....
4
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:43am
pay a girl compliments and/or tell her how he's feeling? The guy I'm dating currently doesn't really say a lot when it comes to his feelings, or paying me compliments. But if we go out and I say that he looks great, then he'll return the compliment.
However, he is very good at showing his affection and caring, so I do know that he's interested. That and he always does the calling and emailing, etc.
So I'm just wondering why he may be shy to say these things? We've only been dating about 6 weeks, so I don't know if that has something to do with it as well? I guess I'd just like a little reassurance at this point that he likes me and likes where this is going so far. Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 9:18am
He might not be all that in to you and, therefore, may feel it isn't necessary to compliment you. He might not have noticed your good qualities and has nothing to say since he didn't notice them. Most men will do everything possible to make their best impression on a new girlfriend. If he doesn't put any effort out now (at the beginning of a relationship), you can bet he'll be doing even less when he starts to feel secure. You can count on lots of disappointment and self-doubt if you continue with this guy. Even if you were to bring up the fact that he's low on the compliments, and he were to temporarily change, he'll probably go back to his old self when he gets secure. Do you really want a guy who lacks the quality you seem to desire? As my mom used to say, what you see is what you get. I'll bet you're looking at this guy as a "fixer upper" and that your charms will change him into the person you wish he'd be. Good luck.
Sopal
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:34am

It sounds like he's interested to me. Many guys just have a problem when it comes to showing emotion or expressing their feelings. It all goes back to childhood when guys are taught that crying or showing emotion is a sign of weakness. I think it's a common complaint of women that their guys won't open up to them.

He may very well never open up a lot. I would suggest just talking to him and trying to get him to communicate to you what he's feeling.

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:43am
Thanks, I just feel a little confused, since he hasn't really opened up much. But then I think, well if he wasn't interested in me, then why would he bother calling me almost every night or email me during the day to see how I am? I just don't want to scare him off by asking what he thinks of the relationship so far, if it is a relationship or what. How do you suggest I go about it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:26pm

<< But then I think, well if he wasn't interested in me, then why would he bother calling me almost every night or email me during the day to see how I am? >>

That's exactly why I do think he's interested in you. The signs are there. If he wasn't, you probably would not hear from him very often (if at all).

One possibility is that this guy might just be real shy. If so, then it might take him a while to open up to you. Here's what I would suggest:

Give it a little more time, and see if he does start to talk a little more. Hopefully he will, but if he doesn't it may be he's just the type of guy that has a hard time expressing himself to a girl. If that happens, I would say you should gradually try to get him to talk more, but make sure you don't do it in a way that makes him feel like he's being questioned. I would tell him how I felt first. For example, you might express to him that you feel you're getting close and things are getting serious. That will be "hints" to him to tell you what he thinks about the relationship.

Eric