Is it meant to be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
Is it meant to be?
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 11:29am

Ok gonna try and make this short. I went through a divorce about 2 years ago. My ex husband and I separated we had a good divorce and remain friends (like a brother and sister relationship) we were together 13 years and got to the point where we both grew apart. Within a month of separating a slept with a guy friend we went to school together. Long story short my ex thought in the beginning we got together while we were married because I slept with this guy so soon after separating. My ex knows now that nothing happened while we were married. Yes I should have waited till I was divorced but it happened. Well my ex husband, new guy and I all work together. Work is like high school. Rumors spread bad in the beginning that I cheated on my ex. Which again never ever happened, it just looked really bad. My ex knows the truth my co workers think something different. We work with a lot of people, I still hear about the rumors its truly annoying. Long story short in the year half I have been seeing this guy it started out as friends, then kinda a friends with benefits but not really. He would always tell me when I would come over sex isn't important to him. I actually put more pressure on sex, because that's what I thought he wanted but he told me that's all ME not HIM We would go out to clubs, watch movies at his house, watch baseball games and I would sleep over. Its basically a relationship without the title. Well a few months ago he invited me on a cruise with him and his son who is 9. I've been around his son.We had an amazing time together. The problem is I told him how I felt through text just recently it just came out, I love him. I've never meant anyone like him. I have gone on dates and I compare everyone to him. How he makes me feel, I don't ever remember feeling. He has very low self esteem. He always says hes nothing to look at, and nothing great. He has been hurt bad in the past. He has told me the the thing holding him back is the whole work situation. If people find out about us then he is worried the rumors look true. It would be sooo easy for me to walk away and find someone else. But I don't want that. Like I said anything I say to him mushy and sweet is in text ( I know wrong) when I see him I completely freeze up and I told him that. But he always thinks I am BULLSHITTING him... Last night we worked together and he called me to say goodnight because I was leaving. I called him back 10 minutes later and said hey I just wanted to say Goodnight again to you. I get butterflies and sooo nervous around him. I know I sound like I am 12. We are both in our mid 30s haha. :) We flirt and do this push and pull thing. My question is why would he always think I am bullshitting him???? He says it nicely. Is he just scared to admit how he feels so it's easier for him to just say its bs. He truly doesn't understand why I feel the way I do. I did start to pour my hear out to him once. I layed on top of him and started saying how amazing I think he is as a person, and that I care about him, and how heis amazing dad. He literally put the pillow over his face and was teary eyed because he said nobody has ever said anything like this to him. I am just at the point in my life I am in my 30s and if I feel a certain way I am going to be upfront and tell him exactly, But he always thinks it bs. I think I already know my answer. That I need to stop saying this stuff in text and in person. My text msg are cheesy but I can't help it. I tried to make this brief haha.