Is it OK to call?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Is it OK to call?
4
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 5:56pm
Most guys in general don't like to talk on the phone. My male friend who I am interested in calls occasionally only to ask me out. Is it O.K. for me to call him sometimes to just say hi or will it annoy him? Would this action be equal to be chasing the guy? I have been reading from people's post that a girl should not be chasing a guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 7:33pm
I think it's fine to call sometimes. I let men do most of the pursuing in the beginning, but an occasional call is not chasing. Now, if you are doing ALL of the calling, that's different.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 8:07pm
Did you want to chat? or say hi? suggest an outing?

You could always ask how he'd feel about it.

But remember, alot of guys are goal oriented, and they don't see chatting on the phone as being productive. And some guys really don't like to receive personal calls at work.

Then there's this one friend of mine who wants me to call him at work because that's his second home, but only after after a certain time of day. Find out what his preferences are for receiving phone calls.

Yes, there seems to be a general tone of dis-approval on this board of anything where a woman is anything but submissive and receptive. Personally, I find that guys like to believe that they are the pursuer, they call the shots, and all choices are theirs to make. However, I'd like to point out an oft missed reality that guys are scared to death of us! So before they approach us, they look for signs from us that they are likely to be successful if they take a chance. And lots of times, when we present things to them in a certain way, the guy will respond, but curiously enough, he thinks it was his idea!

That said, I think a guy will not be able to overcome his apprehension if a woman, while presenting him with options, does not allow him room to feel like he is making is own choices.

We really do have alot of power in our relationships with men. But first we need to learn to view them as human beings, not the adversary!

Have fun

Em

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:08am
Thank you for saying this as much of what you have said is true for a lot of men. There is a key point I'd like to make.

It is very important for a woman to clearly show an expression of interest in the man. We don't readily understand subtle hints. Also, showing up for a date is a limited expression of interest. Many many men have had women show up for dates for nothing more than the free ticket. I have had a number of women admit to me that they will have 4 or 5 dates per week with different guys as they like the social attention and that nice meals are being purchased for them.

It is perfectly OK to call a guy, just respect his time and don't assume you can use him as your personal venting object. If your call is intented to show interest in him and the value he offers then do it with the highest levels of respect and honor. If you feel he brings value to you then he is worth some level of proactive effort on your behalf to show your interest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 9:54am
Sure, if he "calls occasionally to ask you out", give him a call. You'll probably be able to tell if he doesn't like it. No harm that I can see. Sometimes some positive affirmation of interest from the other side is very reassuring. It's very easy if one person calls ALL the time for that person to wonder if he's just being a pest.