Is it okay for me to call him to say hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Is it okay for me to call him to say hi
12
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 1:56am
I met a man at the grocery store a year ago and we dated for two months. While we were dating, not exclusively, he would travel out of town for conferences and not call me to say hi. Something inside me told me that he was going to see someone. Because of this, one day I decided that I was not going to return his phone call on the same day he called. I called him 3 days later and did not hear from him until 3 days. Immediately after, we both discontinued contacting each other. I see this guy regularly on the way to work and we always wave at each other. Well a week ago, I ran across him at the coffee shop and he asked me out to coffee. I met him for coffee, which we had a nice conversation. He asked me if I would like to go out with him to a baseball game, and I said yes that I would like to go. He had a surprised look on his face and I then said again yes, I would like to go to the baseball game. He told me that he would call me next week, which I gave him my new number. Also, he told me that his number is still the same. I then asked him to write down his number. It has been a week and he has not called me with a date on when we will be going to the baseball game. I am trying to figure him out because he has not called me yet. I am wondering if I could have given him the wrong number or maybe he has changed his mind. Since he did tell me that his number is the same, is it okay for me to call him to say hi. I don't want him to think that I am not interested because I have not called. The reason I haven't and don't want to call just yet is because then I won't know if he is truly interested. Please help me with some advice.

annna7

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 2:20am
You did say that HE asked you for coffee and HE asked you to a game right? Hmmmmm,,,,,,I wouldn't call him. There is nothing wrong with a woman calling a man, but he initiated everything right? I'd wait. If he doesn't call, then move on. Honestly, I don't think I'd want much to do with this guy. He doesn't sound like someone you could count on. Do you really want to invest time in him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 8:58pm
Yes, HE did ask me out for coffee and to a game. Still no phone call and I am not going to call him. The reason that I said yes to coffee and a game was to give him a chance without being judgemental. While dating him, I had not completely moved on due to the death of my husband - which I was judging men and trying to find somethign wrong because of the problems I had with my late husband. Big, big, mistake that I made and don't plan on repeating. Now that I have completely moved on, I am no longer judging men and having a great time getting to know them. Thanks for responding to my message and I agree with you. I will not be investing my time with him because if he was interested he would have already called about the game and just to say hi. He is not the only guy left and I know I will meet the right person.


annna7

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 1:02pm
Hi Anna,

Oh you suffered a terrible loss. Give yourself some time to get through all the lingering emotions. In the meantime, nothing wrong with dating here and there. But that doesn't mean you need to be playing these games with guys who are wishy/washy on you. Move on - and if a guy comes along that things are casual, nice... go for it.

For this guy you met @ the grocery store... I think that he needs to be the one to initiate contact - IMO he blew it the first time bhy not returning your call. Now hes done it again with the flakiness. Not a good thing this early.

Good Luck. I wish you the best. -S

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 1:17pm
Thanks Surfergirl77 for the advice. You are right, he is flakey. I don't plan on initiating any contact with him. I would rather be single than be with someone who doesn't really want to be with me. It's been 4 years that my husband passed away and I have learned that it is okay to be single and live alone. I would like to get married again some day but on the condition that it is with a gentleman that will respect me and we compliment each other. Being in love and married with the right person is a beautiful gift that I would love to re-experience again. I am being patient and know that the right gentleman will come along. Thanks again for your advice.

annna7

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 8:40pm
Did he say which specific baseball game or was it a general invite to a baseball game in the future? There is a significant difference. You mentioned that he travels - is it at all possible he was travelling this week as well? He also knows that you are a game-player from the past so he may be having second thoughts as well. Unless you have talked about the changes in your life and your new approach he would not know that you have changed.

Just some things to think about from the other side of the fence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 9:32pm
I think this guy has some prospects lined up and will call you when he's got no plans. He already knows you are avaliable to him at anytime. I'd recommend not to waist more time in this guy. If was genuinly interetsed he wouldn't keep you in limbo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 9:54pm
Thanks spiceman for sharing your thoughts on the other side of the fence. He did say that their were games going on this week and that he would check into getting tickets. His friend has season tickets and when he can't go than he gives the tickets to this guy that I am referring to. No, I did not tell him that I have changed in not playing games. While we dated last year, when he traveled, he never called to say from out of town. Don't you think that if someone is interested, they will call to say hi and how things are going? I am not asking for someone to call me everyday and all day long. A phone call every 3 to 4 days would be nice. I have no problem making a phone call when I sense that their is interest on the other side. Thanks again for your advice.

annna7

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 11:14pm
Personally I dont think you should call because If he is as pumped as you are he should call you...he invited you..you didn't invite him. If he doesn't call its all games. See if he calls otherwise next time he asks you to do anything with him say no and then he'll realize that he cant be so indecisive and stand you up all the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 7:06am
sorry to say this anna but (based on your story)i feel that he is currently seeing someone. who knows why he asked you to go to that baseball game with him but would you believe I know someone who asked a fine lady to marry him (gave her a ring, shared wine with her parents) and then a couple of months later he told her that it is better that they keep the relationship open to possibilities (ex. he dates another or she dates another). i get nuts thinking why he had to go through asking for her hand for marriage from her folks when he isn't even sure if marriage with her is what he wanted. by the way they are no longer seeing each other now (good for her).

besides, a man that is truly interested in you wouldn't wait for you to call him first. you deserve a better date anna, believe me you do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 11:42am
Judithneff,

Thanks for your response. I do know that I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me and shows the interest. I have decided to forget about him and move on.

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