Is it over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Is it over?
7
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:05am
I have been sleeping with my non-boyfriend for two years now and we are not in a relationship. It has always been this way and things have gone up and down in this friendship. I have threatened to leave and walk away yet I always went back even though I knew there was no good in this situation for me. Now for the past couple of weeks I have tried calling him and his phone is no longer in service. I don't know what has happened and I am worried and angry at the same time. Although we are not in a relationship he has always told me he would be straight with me if he wanted to end things. Now I don't know where he is or what is going on. I keep expecting him to call or show up at my door and it hasn't happened and probably never will. I know the best thing for me to do is just say this was all for the better but I am having so much trouble accepting that this is it. And I can't get rid of the feeling that something more is wrong. Does this sound like something I should worry about or just accept the reality of the situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
In reply to: monica2223
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:15am
Hon, you were in a friends with benefits kind of relationship and it was understood that neither had a commitment nor obligation to the other, no attachments. It is possible that he's ready to leave and because there is no obligation from him to you or viceversa he didn't give you notice. You apparently were/are emotionally invested and that's why you have those feelings of anger and worriness. The feelings or concern that something is wrong might have to do with your emotional investment and the fact that you fear that "it's over". The best for your emotional health after 2 years of this situation is to leave it alone and cross it out as experience. It's very hard but you can't control the situation. Good luck.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: monica2223
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:35am
Hi Monica;

Boy have I been where you are too. I know the feeling of anxiety that haunts you and the sleepless nights.

It's easy for us to tell you to get over him and move on, but that's what you have to do. I'll bet when you least expect it, he'll pop up and call you or visit you. They always do for a quickie and then they disappear again.

You have absolutely no way of getting in touch with him right?

Then you know you have to forget him, otherwise, you'll make yourself sick over him. You can't live like this.

I'm sorry and believe me, I know how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
In reply to: monica2223
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:36am
Thanks for the advice. You are right. It is just going to be hard for me to give it up even though it's the right thing to do. Thank You
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
In reply to: monica2223
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:39am
There is no way to get in contact with him. So I guess I am just stuck. But hey. I remember one time I told him to just leave me to make it easier for me since I couldn't let him go. So maybe he just answered me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
In reply to: monica2223
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 1:02pm
This guy isn't worth thinking about. You deserve better....someone who will invest in YOU.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: monica2223
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 1:43pm
I agree with you Crazygirl. It may take a while to find someone else but he sure isn't worth it and Monica, you deserve so much better. It doesn't seem like it now, but you'll meet someone better where You CAN contact him and he can contact you and you'll wonder why you invested time in that loser.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
In reply to: monica2223
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 2:26pm
Thanks Girls!!!