Is it over already??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Is it over already??
3
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 8:16pm

Is it Over Already?

I am trying to understand as I am beyond confused and so very sad. Two weeks ago, I was introduced to a wonderful man. He and I are in our 40's. We hit it off fabulously for two middle-age career people scared to even date!

We are both professionals and travel during the week but we were already planning our weekends and future trips. The second night we dated we were so comfortable together we fell asleep on the couch watching tv. We were having FUN! The last evening we spent together we drank way too much. I was emotional about my career stress and then I just basically asked him why he had not kissed me when he had been teasing me about waiting awhile before having sex. Abruptly, he left my house not under the best of circumstances--basically stating that I "didn't know what he had been through."

Both of us went through heart wrentching breakups where we were dumped for others...........it was painful for both of us. Anyway, he called me Sunday and stated that the last evening we spent together was "awkward and strange".............I appologzied for drinking too much and for anything that I said to upset him. He said he would call later in the week (this week and it's Wednesday). I have not heard from him, but he does travel.

I guess I am so worried that I have really screwed this up. I am so afraid that he won't call and that I will not have the chance to rectify what went wrong. I have never ever written to this kind of thing but for once since my breakup I was totally smitten by a man and I think he was to. For the first time in such a long time I don't want this to be over..............please advise and many thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 8:54pm

From what you wrote, it sounds like he's trying to take things slow, was hurt in the past. He probably feels like he wants to be on steady ground before investing too much of himself. I have been programmed to think that if there isn't sex in a relationship within the first month that something is totally wrong, ...but as I get older, I understand that more people have been hurt and it takes longer to trust and we don't want to repeat the past mistakes. I'm learning to feel good about taking things slowly and am allowing myself to take my time.

Let him call you and set up the next get-together. Maybe just one glass of wine next time and concentrate on getting to know one another as the wonderful people you are. Letting things blossom slowing is hard for me but I'm learning that it's more safe and the chances are I'll find something more long-lasting.

Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 7:33am
I totally agree with what you said---your advice is sound and prudent; however, it has been over a week and I have heard not a word from him. I did call this past wednesday and left a brief 20sec message of (hey how are you, hope to talk soon)and I have heard NOTHING. My fear is that I won't have the chance to see him again to put things "right".
I'm not into rejection and I felt totally rejected when I called and he didn't return my call. Your insight into this is very much appreciated. anne
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 12:01pm

Hi aka990,


I'm sorry you're going through this and are in pain. Unfortunately, all you can do is what you've done. You apologized to him, let him know that you'd like to make things right and now it's up to him. Some people have a very hard time forgiving others. If he is one of them, you really don't want that type of person in your life. I understand he's been through a hard time and that is something he'll have to deal with. Maybe whatever you said to him set it all off again but I'm sure you did not do that intentionally.


You reached out on Wednesday again and have not gotten a response. If you felt you needed to do one last thing, I would email him, letting him know the things you said here. But I would wait at least until next Wednesday to do so. After that, I would say you have done all you can and to let it go completely.


It truly stinks when someone you can connect with comes into your life and then disappears. But I do believe wholeheartedly that things happen for a reason. Maybe this man came into your life to show you that there are men out there like him who do exist. But maybe he was not the one who was supposed to stay.


Hope this helps. Keep us posted and feel free to post as often as you need to for support.