is it possible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
is it possible?
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 11:17pm
I wanted to ask the dating Doyenne: I met guy 30 years ago, when I was 19, and I felt like he was the right guy from the moment I first saw him. I never felt that again. Later that day he did notice me and invited me over.Being with him was the most erotic time of my life. But at that time he was sowing his oats, and we were not ready to have a relationship. I moved on. I had other boyfriends and one I thought I was in love with. As time went by I still thought of the one guy sometimes, though I never tried to find him. I was raised to let the man pursue and he did not continue to pursue me, so I accepted it, although he had no idea where I was either. Secretly I always loved him, and no one else ever touched me so deeply, and I passed up lots of nice guys who were interested in me. I just denied myself how I felt and did not even tell anyone, not even my mother or best friends, because I was in a way heartbroken over him, and that seemed too personal to share or admit. Over the years I had a child, and chose to raise him alone, and he was the light of my life. I had 3 relationships since I moved from the town I met him. I was willing to love someone and I tried so hard to make things work, at my own expense, like forcing things that couldn't work but wanting to believe in the impossible. I was in a 6 year relationship with a emotionally abusive man who was really harming me, and I couldn't seemed to break away from him emotionally, even after moving. Then, I had an accident and bumped my head, and I started to remember my old love again, and I found him on my computer and he called me. He had also had like 3 relationships that failed and hurt him deeply, including an unsuccessful marriage, and he had gotten custody of his daughter and raised her alone, just as I did my son. In some ways we have had so many things that we both have experienced that are so much the same. He is in a dufferent state, and He invited me to visit him. he cannot even remember me because maybe because of things he did that affected his memory. But I visited him, and it was akward, but it was really nice too. He said to be his friend, and I like that because before he did not be my friend really, my lover but not my friend.. And everything he did was just the way I like and as find attractive in a man, and I never felt so head over heels even over him in the past, even though we are 30 years older. He was decent and kind and respectful and thoughtful and considerate, organized and down to earth, and even the way we live, our homes are not so different. He has been hurt and said he is gun shy, and had not been dating. I went home and we email, and I am still raising my son, but his daughter has left his home. It is hard to feel connected at times long distance, and It is like a friendship, which I really like, because I am a christian and have a desire to not be sexually involved outside of marriage, and him wanting to be my friend and us living far apart makes it all work out well in that sense. I know he has gone out with someone, but there is some barrier in his heart so he is not in love with her. Sometimes I feel like nothing will ever happen, yet so much has happened, how could it not happen? I am waiting to see, and feeling more and more like I would wait for him and not care to be with someone else anyway. So what do I have to lose? advice welcome! missheide