is it really over PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
is it really over PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!
1
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 3:01am
The love of my life and I have been together for two years and we've lived together for most of it and he's been great to me and we have great sex and are so noticeably in love with each other but we fight alot over stupid stuff cause we are both hot temperd and have both been thruogh alot of hert from past realationships but they dont last long but any ways i have a tendunsy to be a lot smothering in his appinoun and lately hes had family stuff going on and hes been stressed and when he gets stressed he kinda of closes in on him self and pushs away and hes done it before anyways hes been staying with his brother for a wile and i was doing oooooook i guess and he wasnt really all that around and stuff but its ok cause he was actualy kinda opening up to me and we were emailing little i love you note songs photos and he promissed he was going to be back living at home with me soon but i get scared and insucere easeily and i got woried and paranoid and was just looking for some reasurnce and ask his brother when i called for my love and he was out agin cuase his bro cant lie so i asked him if he thinks my love was steping out on me or not and he said no and told me not to worry but then like five minuts later my love called me back to yell at me for asking such a domb question to his bro and that ithat kind of sh#!dosnt fly and that it imbarrising to him then said that there uncle was there and that we'ed talk about it later and hungup on me so i called back he got mad said something and hong up again wich you have to know hes always like that and i never can leave well anogh alone cuase i panic wich always makes him madder i tryed a couple of times then stoped cause i didnt want to make it worse but then the phone rang and it was him he told me to pack his sh#! cause we were through and i sarted balling and trying to call back and make him not go or tell me why he was doing this and he just got soooooooooooo angery and kept hanging up on my and i said please i dont want this please dont go i love you why he said no you dont get to diside this and i dont get to act like that and then just say sorry and i tryed once more he called me a stupid bitch and told me again to stop calling i did but i wait awile and called back and left a messege cuase we are always have this same kind of spat and we always have work things out so i left a mess. saying please check your email and thats all and that i wouldnt call agin that day and i didnt then the nexted day i called afue times and left him meggages and talk to his bro briffly to asked if my love was there and he wasnt and i was still balling at that point called the next day talked to his bro i was still crying and his brother told me to keep my head up and that he'd tell my love i called again that i love him and stuff i havent tryd to call since then but i have been sending him emails but now i am going to give him some space not try to call not send any emails just wait like i said i would in one of the last emails i sent cause i truly dont feel that we are over over that was today but i havent heard form him in 6 days weve gone that long with me hering from him before cuase he gets like that but weve never been broken up for more then like an hour not this long but he hasent sent me any emails to say go away our called or even come to get all his stuff wich by the way i havent packed i havent even moved anything wich i also said in some of the emails how are room was still are room and that i cant pack for him cuase it herts to much and that i am not going anywere and the i hope he comes back to me and that i dont want any one but him and that i am still his girl and i will wait aslong as it takes cuase i know he still loves me !!!!! what should i do ???? and do you think hell come home to me ?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 6:43am

Hi sheazybug,


I am really sorry that you have to go through this. I know and understand that pain and it's not somethind I would wish on anyone.


However, I'm not sure that this relationship is a healthy one for you. I know you love him and want him, but who is it that you are really missing? In your post, you stated that he called you a "stupid b***h," that he has not been living with you for awhile and that you guys fight a lot. Fighting can be a healthy part of a relationship if it's not done all the time and from what it sounds like, you bicker a lot. You cannot hold yourself responsible for that either--it takes two to cause a sitation. Let me reverse this on you. Would you want to be friends with a person who you always fought with? I doubt it. So why do you want to stay with a man that you always fight with? I hope you see what I'm getting at.


Next, he called you a stupid b***h. I've had my share of fights with ex-boyfriends and we've gotten angry with each other, but there is a line of respect you don't cross. The fact that he called you that and then hung up on you pretty much screams that he does not have respect for you or the relationship.


And the moving out thing... ok, you guys live together yet he's been staying elsewhere? I understand that we all go through issues in our lives that we sometimes need time and space for. But you don't move out of your home with someone to do so. I think that more may be going on here than he's admitting. He blames you for being smothering and you are the only one who can truly say you are or not and that is something you'll have to work on. But it sounds like this guy is