It still hurts, what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
It still hurts, what should I do?
3
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:04pm
Just to refresh. I met a guy, we hooked up. After that all I receive from him are voice messages and emails. He never speaks about meeting up or anything. He now calls me buddy, I guess I was demoted. Anyway, I wanted to know if it would be sane to send him an email (since that what he uses the most) and ask him outright, what I did that he no longer wants to see me again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:12pm
I believe you're seeing this backward....if what he pursued was sex primarily and once he got sex he continues contact for his own purposes....then the reality is - all he wanted was sex.

And from you - he got sex without obligation to repeat the performance or to further commitment. So he's sending the emails, etc. to keep in touch - so that when he wants sex again - he can get some. You've already proven to him that he hasn't got to date you to have sex.

That's all it is. It's not that "you" did anything wrong or bad that makes him "not want to see you". It's that his reasoning for seeing you was sex...and until he's ready for that again, there is no reason to see you.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:35pm
I have to agree with doubleblade. It sounds like you are his back up plan in case he needs some company - he will call you then to hang out and hook up again. He knows he can't just call you out of the blue b/c most women wouldn't accept that, so he is still keeping in touch with you.

Lots of guys do this. It's sad but true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:10pm
I think what happened here is that when you two hooked up, you assumed that you two were now an item. Unfortunately that's not the case. You weren't demoted to buddy, you always were a buddy- a friend that now gives benefits. And he is probably keeping in touch so as to either A) not look like a total jerk or B) to keep you at arms length in case he wants to hook up again.

I think what you need to do is realize that this isn't going anywhere. Stop returning his texts, they are only costing you money. Stop replying to his email. If he wanted something more from you, he would have pursued it by now.

Then you learn from this and move on. Guys will take what you give them, so don't be fooled into giving them sex in the hopes that they'll stick around and want something more. If you want a relationship with a guy, you have to demand it first. Most guys don't get attached from the act of sex, it's just a physical release for them. Most girls on the other hand, see the connection as an emotional one.

Alison

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