Is it too late?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
Is it too late?
3
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 3:19pm
Okay..so this isn't technically a dating dilemma, but I have this guy friend who've I've known for like 6 years and we're been really close. We live in seperate states but we talk several times a week online and we meet in person a couple times a year. Like 2 years ago, he told me he had feelings for me but I told him I wasn't interested in being in a relationship with anyone at that time. So be both kind of forgot about it and eventually he got a girlfriend (but that didn't work out). Then about 6 months ago he started showing an interest in me again and in a couple e-mails made references to having a crush on me. Again, I didn't respond. We stayed friends and then a couple months ago I went out on a date with another guy (which ended up going nowhere) and afterwards, sought advice from my guy friend. At that time, I didn't think my friend still had feelings for me. But then he started flirting with me a bit and saying things like "I'm going to marry you." or "Let's get married." He also made lots of comments like: “We’re a match made in heaven” or “Our personalities balance each other out, which is why I think our marriage will work” or “I think that we can move past our imperfections have a successful, happy, and long life together.” So, it's hard to tell if someone is serious on AIM or not, but I doubt someone would say things like that (jokingly or no) if they didn't like the person. He even mentioned getting a job in the same area as me. So all this stuff led me to believe he liked me and soon I realized that I had feelings for him too. So I played along, not exactly taking him seriously but not opposing his ideas either, and I felt like things were progressing. I was even planning a road trip with some friends to go visit him. I thought about telling him how I felt about him and had a weird, urgent feeling that I should but was afraid of being rejected and decided to wait until I saw him in person to judge whether he really liked me or not. Then, just the other day...he told me that he went out on a date with a girl and that they were going out again on Friday! He said "She was a cutie" or something like that. I was totally crushed. I knew I should have told him sooner that I liked him. So what I need to know...would be it be horribly wrong of me to tell him my feelings after rejecting him in the past and now that he's dating someone else?? I really think he liked me back but I never gave him any real indication that I liked him (especially after asking him for advice on another guy!), so I'm guessing he just gave up and decided to find someone else. But if it's only be one date, is it early enough for me to tell him how I feel or is it just wrong to do that at this point?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
In reply to: liveforte
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 3:29pm

i think now would be the time to just let your feelings out. it will clear the air and both of you will finally know what each others emotions are. it seems like hes a really good friend of yours and that is always a great foundation for a relationship.

and on the other hand, if it doesnt turn out in your favor, u will know where u stand and it will allow u to move on. and friends is always better than nothing right? i really hope the best for you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: liveforte
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 7:00pm
I'm surprised you didn't say, "What are you doing with this girl? I thought you were marrying me?!" Of course it is not too late to tell him how you feel, but you might want to make it really clear that you like him or this state of limbo will continue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
In reply to: liveforte
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:20am
It IS hard to tell if someone is joking or not on AIM. Essentially, unless you have moved forward to a face to face relationship, all you have is flirting on AIM. I wouldn't take it what he says seriously until you meet up. In fact, I would keep dating other guys just in case there is one out there who might sweep you off your feet.