Is it too soon for her

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Is it too soon for her
4
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 8:51pm
I recently began dating a woman who lost her fiance to sudden death. This happened about six months ago. Our dating began when she told her coworker that she was interested in me and the coworker set up our first meeting.

I think that this is one special lady, we have had about five dates and many phone conversations over the past month.

I am very interested in getting to know her but she pulls back occasionally and I can

fully understand this and am willing to wait, because it seems to me that she is definitly worth it.

All I am asking of you ladies out their is suggestions on my approach as I don't want to pressure or hurt her
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 1:05pm
i think you are doing exactly what I'd want a guy to do in her position. be patient, be caring, be open with her. in time she'll remember that kindness and love you even more for it.

just be there for her when you can.

that is the most you can do, and i think you are alreayd doing it :)

-SurferG

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 4:47am
i think that is only due to what she had experienced, and not just an experience, but of course that is death of a former love. she maybe finding time to relax but not but not necessarily open for new relationships..all you can offer to her is your patience, understanding and love..things will smoothen over time, ok? wait and see..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:48pm
What is occuring when she is "pulling back"? Is it physical or just a topic that is sensitive to her?

I would suggest being very slow. Ask her if you are going too fast for her right now; after all, she's the only one that can tell you how she feels. Ask her if she wants more time in between dates, or even phone calls. Let her know that you like her enough to take things at a pace SHE sets, and back it up. Tell her that you don't want her to ever forget her past love and that she can always share her thoughts about him with you, without you feeling jealous or resentful(of course, only if you mean it). Tell her also that you don't want her to compare him to you, that you want to be liked for your own worthiness.(it sounds practical enough, but it is so easy to fall into that pattern even when you don't realize you're doing it)

Hope that some of these suggestions help. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 10:16am
Keep on doing what you're doing. Say you like her and respect her and value her friendship and want to be her friend. And say that if and when she is ready for something more to say so but you won't pressure her and don't expect anything in return.

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