Is it too soon for us to be dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Is it too soon for us to be dating?
4
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 2:12am
I have a really big dilemma going on in my life right now. I need help!!! I dated this man (I think he's my soul mate) about eight years ago. I immediately felt as if I loved him back then. We dated for about six weeks, and then I found out I was pregnant by an ex-boyfriend. I had to get my life together before I felt I could ever be with him again. He ended up getting married; his wife passed away from cancer in January of this year. I had no idea he got married. I ended up talking to him a few months ago; he seemed to still need some space. I called him again four weeks ago. He visited me at my apartment...he said he still felt the old connection...we held each other...took my daughter to the park...we kissed...he called me for a week and a half straight every night...and even in the morning before he went to work...we were supposed to go out on a date a few weeks ago...the day before our date was his birthday...he said he would call the morning of his birthday...he never did...no more calls...no date...I haven't heard from him in two weeks...he told me that he was my future husband...he even left a message on my machine saying that he loved both my daughter and I...should I think that he wants to have nothing to do with me ever again...I just feel a little upset...he said so many loving things, and now he's just disappeared out of my life

What should I think about all of this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 11:33am
Are you sure he's ok? I would be worried actually that something happened to him. Have you tried calling him? Any way to stop in at his work or his place to make sure he's ok?

That said, if he IS ok and he just hasn't called, then he's either A) scared of starting something with you B)changed his mind.

Either way, you need to talk to him to find your answers.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 10:37pm
Thanks for your advice. I know that he's okay. I have to deal with the fact that he's not interested anymore. It's hard to understand why he would say all the things he did, and then one night just decide to coldly ignore me. This stinks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 12:33pm
Well I'm glad that he's ok.

On the other hand, he's a jerk.

Don't worry, you'll find someone who won't treat you like that, you deserve better. People work in mysterious ways and sometimes they think and do and say things that they shouldn't. Who knows why he stopped, only he can answer that. But really, there's no point chasing after him to find out. If he wants you to know, he'll return with an explanation, if not, oh well.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 12:41pm
I think you are taking things far too personally given the broader circumstances. His wife died just 5 or 6 months ago and I doubt that he is in a stable emotional state at this time.

In hindsight he should not have said the things he did to you. You have struck him deeply but he is likely very torn inside. Again, its only been 6 months since his wife passed away. I would highly recommend that you focus on offering empathy and sympathy to him rather than being a victim of his words in his current state of mind and emotion. In this case, its not always about you and your feelings.

Bottom line - he is not emotionally available at this time.