it was all a lie!
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it was all a lie!
| Fri, 11-26-2004 - 5:57pm |
Hi,
I have been dating a guy for 4 months now. He told me he had been in a longterm relationship that had ended a year before when his girlfriend cheated on him. Because of this, he said he had trouble trusting again and had to take things slow. We clicked right away, would talk on the phone for hours every day and saw eachother once or
twice every week. We got very close, talked about everything, he even got emotional while telling me about how his last girlfriend hurt him. He admitted he was getting feelings for me but was always telling me that he has some adjustments he had to make in his life before we could commit more. He said he had "some negative people" in his life that he needed to get rid of. When asked, he said just some of his friends who were with the wrong crowd and into the wrong things. He worked hard, talked about how he wanted a family, how I would make a great mother, and talked about us going to S. Carolina to meet his family.
2 days ago, he was acting very out of character. He was very edgy, seemed angry and was a completely different person. He told me he was fighting with a friend, was very upset and worried he wouldn't be able to control his temper. He then said he would talk to me later as he didn't want to say anything hurtful to me in this mood.
About an hour later, someone called me from a private number claiming to be his girlfriend. I was shocked. She questioned me about what I did with him. I told her to discuss this with him and hung up. I then called his cell phone to question him and she answered!! She was very nice, explained he has done this to her before. She then told me when she had threatened to call me, they got in a fight and he beat her. Her friends called the cops and he was in jail. This wasn't the first time he had beat her. She said she had been with him 5 years.
When I got in touch with him the next day to confront him all he said was "i'm sorry" and hung up. How coud I be so blind??? I had feelings for a man that had a girlfriend and beats women!!! I feel like such an idiot. He was always so sweet and gentle with me. It kills me to think everything was a lie. All those long conversations, the way we connected, how we laughed together and understood eachother... all a lie. And of course I was sleeping with him too (protected thank god) and he swore I was the only one. How can I be so naive?? How could someone get to know me and then hurt me like that? And how will I ever be able to trust again??
I have been dating a guy for 4 months now. He told me he had been in a longterm relationship that had ended a year before when his girlfriend cheated on him. Because of this, he said he had trouble trusting again and had to take things slow. We clicked right away, would talk on the phone for hours every day and saw eachother once or
twice every week. We got very close, talked about everything, he even got emotional while telling me about how his last girlfriend hurt him. He admitted he was getting feelings for me but was always telling me that he has some adjustments he had to make in his life before we could commit more. He said he had "some negative people" in his life that he needed to get rid of. When asked, he said just some of his friends who were with the wrong crowd and into the wrong things. He worked hard, talked about how he wanted a family, how I would make a great mother, and talked about us going to S. Carolina to meet his family.
2 days ago, he was acting very out of character. He was very edgy, seemed angry and was a completely different person. He told me he was fighting with a friend, was very upset and worried he wouldn't be able to control his temper. He then said he would talk to me later as he didn't want to say anything hurtful to me in this mood.
About an hour later, someone called me from a private number claiming to be his girlfriend. I was shocked. She questioned me about what I did with him. I told her to discuss this with him and hung up. I then called his cell phone to question him and she answered!! She was very nice, explained he has done this to her before. She then told me when she had threatened to call me, they got in a fight and he beat her. Her friends called the cops and he was in jail. This wasn't the first time he had beat her. She said she had been with him 5 years.
When I got in touch with him the next day to confront him all he said was "i'm sorry" and hung up. How coud I be so blind??? I had feelings for a man that had a girlfriend and beats women!!! I feel like such an idiot. He was always so sweet and gentle with me. It kills me to think everything was a lie. All those long conversations, the way we connected, how we laughed together and understood eachother... all a lie. And of course I was sleeping with him too (protected thank god) and he swore I was the only one. How can I be so naive?? How could someone get to know me and then hurt me like that? And how will I ever be able to trust again??

I'm so sorry for the pain you must be going through. I was also lied to about exclusivity and monogamy issues by a man I was involved with for six months and with whom I was discussing marriage. It really does a number on you, doesn't it! I'd never been lied to (at least not that I know of) by a man I was seriously involved with and I really felt like a fool.
Two books that have helped me immensely are "When Your Lover is a Liar" by Susan Forward and "101 Lies Men Tell Women" by Dori Hollander (I think...not sure of the author's name on the 2nd book). They made me realize that I'm far from the first woman who has been taken in by a practiced liar, and I won't be the last, and also address the issue of dealing with trust going forward in new r'ships.
Sheri
I'm trying to move on but it still really hurts. How could someone get to know me and then lie to me like that? He must not have cared at all.