It was perfect, a dream but now.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
It was perfect, a dream but now.......
14
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 5:23pm
I met this guy about 6 months ago and he asked me out. We went on a date which went quite well but nothing happened apart from a hug at the end. (i also later found out he was planning beforehand to reschedule the date but couldnt as it I didnt get his message til it was too late - i dont know if this is significant). He didnt call when he said he would and i ended up contacting him - eventually we began flirting over text and arranged two futher dates, one being at his house and the other just going out somewhere. He later denied making one of these arrangments to which i asked if he was messing me around. He said no but we had an argument as to whether i trusted him. Eventually he came round and i did end up going to his, we had an amazing evening and went to bed. From then on there was no looking back, it was perfect. He said I meant so much to him and we had something really special. Problem was he was due to go travelling for months about a week beofre all this happened. We decided to stay together and had big plans for his return. For two and a half months he was in contact from abroad and he said he couldnt wait to see me etc and thought we had something amazing and even that he loved me. He promised never to hurt me and said he would never dream of leaving me while away. Now 2 weeks beofre he's due back he sent me a text saying he just doesnt feel same anymore. I haven't replied and he has since text me again asking if i'm ok and did i get his message. I'm confused as to why so soon before he comes back? Why by text? Should i reply and if so what? I have to see him to work with him when he comes back - what do i do? should i quit my job? I want him back and am hoping feelings will just come flooding back when we see each other but dont know what to do to improve my chances. Surely feelings fade over time he should've reliased that and not made promises. Please help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 5:34pm

Look......you two don't know one another as individuals. He was telling you whatever he wanted to - for whatever reason...based on his character and his goals.

But obviously he wants the freedom to date and sleep with whoever he wants upon his return. So he's telling you via text....so that he oesn't have to listen to the "why are you doing this to me" whine.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 6:50pm
Hello blondey,

I can totally relate to your story and sounds somewhat like the chap I'm seeing.

It seems like in his travels,absence has made his heart stray,but don't give up yet.

Hope I can inspire you a trifle. P. and I met about six months ago,he had a busy job

as maitre di in upscale eatery,in my hometown. He always had been so cordial,personable

and quite flirtatious as I ate there often.. Pulled up a chair and sit extra close,send

me champagne,luscious desserts,in which he paid. Anyhow,after a couple of months,my parents who also came to know P.,both were ill with cancer.Life changed,my social time

was altere ,dad was on hospice,and mom with lymphoma.Hadn't been to see P. in months.

When my dad passed,and after the wake decided to eat at P. restaurant. He was so

happy to see me,kissed me,in learning of my loss,infront of family.Me being so griefstricken,I willingly responded,felt immediate chemistry,kissed him more intensely.P. hugges to mom also.He pulled me aside,asked for my phone#,etc.Attended the funeral.P.gave me alot of support,chats for hours,coouple of dates. We felt so close,alot of common interests,background,religion,family ties,etc..Our last date was wonderful,we spent just getting very intimate at home,almost to the point of making love.He expressed how much he felt for me and glad I was in his life. Bad timing, was my brother coming

thru the door unannounced. P. got embarrassed,as we were half dressed,need I go on.

After,P. rang me often on the phone,discussed our affections. Suddenly,love seemed an

impossible quest, due to his change in jobs,longer hours,further away,and only 1 day off. Said we'd be together after his schedule was more regular. A couple of weeks since, haven't heard that much from P..Could he've met some gorgeous gal to make his affections grow so cool? I totally empathize with you,luv.All I can say is don't wait long,call

him,be bold and ask to get together,in a casual atmosphere,over lattes,or coffee.

I'm too thinking of this for P. to meet him near his work. Just to see how he reacts

in a less intimate setting. This allows him not to feel compelled to be so romantic. If he rejects this idea I hope you will reach some crossroad,whether he's afraid of intimate

type relationships. Men are truly from Mars,Women from Venus,we let our hearts lead

the way,for them its,blatent physical passions down under(if you catch my

drift). Some men can be more sensitive and willing to admit their intimacy fears.Hope

this isn't your guy.Best wishes,from a Brittish mate,Bellina Fair..drop me a line and

cheers!

G

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 11:59pm
It is over. It doesn't sound like you ever really had anything.

There is nothing you can or should do. Please don't quit your job over a man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 10:30am
I think your advice is a little harsh. I'm not a type of person who whines and he knows that. Its just unbelievabley rude to use text to split up with someone, do you not agree? your post seems to sympathise with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 10:41am
Thank you for your story, it is good to know I am not alone. I will see him at work when he comes back and I don't really want to push a meeting as I feel aloofness and indeifference will go more in my favour. This man has a big ego and playing hard to get is the only way I feel i can win. I hope your man is different. I'm hoping when we meet again old feelings will resurface. I am in the hands of fate, if it is meant to be it will. I think we probably both need to let go and be comforted in the idea that there is no point wanting to be with someone who doesn't feel the same and one day Mr Right will be there. Your fellow Brit! B x
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 10:53am

Who knows what happened in his life that led him to send you that text message.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 11:01am

Oh, I see now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 1:19pm
Oh God. Honey it sounds like you are heading for a major heartbreak and I am not sure what to advise you to do. You will surely need to speak with him. I would make him tell me face to face. He is being a coward by addressing these feelings with a text message. Make him be a man and face you.
Good Luck Sweetie!
Let us know what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 1:27pm
I am offended for the poster of this message. I have read other posts, and have had you reply to some of my postings and it is obvious that you are a man. But just because you are a man that likes to frequent a website that is geared more towards the female audience doesn't give you the right to be an insensitive azzhole. Why are YOU so bitter?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 1:37pm

hi, just wanted to say that NOBODY here should rely on the advice given here, take it for what its worth. NOBODY here has the answer to your problem, they might only be giving you an objective opinion but that doesnt mean they are CORRECT. Also, telling your problem by writing it out is also different that actually telling someone in person. You don't see their eyes, expression or tone of voice which also matters.

Some posters here are very intelligent and can come up with good conclusion and advice but again, its up to you to accept it or ignore it. If you don't like what someone says simply ignore it.

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