Is it what I think?
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 08-08-2004 - 3:01pm |
Then a coulple months ago I noticed some changes in him. He became more distant, needed more space. Seemed uncertain about our relationship. So he would pull away from me at those times. I would just persist, and try harder to show him how wonderful we are together. And for the moment, it would work. He would snap out of it so to speak, and remember what we had together.
But it didn't end. Those reservations kept coming. I was tired of trying to do a quick fix...so I told him somthing had to be done. We talked it out, and all of his worries and thoughts came up as they had in the past. You see, we have different religious backgrounds. And it has raised it's share of problems for us over the years. But we always got thru them. He was not opposed to learning more of my faith and perhaps accepting it as his own. So he did that for a while. He did it for me. But he started to resent it in time. I realized that he might not accept it. Early in our relationship, that would have been a problem in my eyes. But I am past that. Lately I have accpeted that it might now work out perfectly, and yes...we would face issues because of it. Both with our own family together, and with both his and my own familys.
But I am at the point where that does not matter to me. I am willing to make the sacrifices necessary, and go thru those trials. Because I firmly believe that the blessings and the good to come out it would outnumber the negative aspects. I have told him that repeatedly. And for a time, it seemed to ease his mind. But not anymore. The last time we talked, he made it clear that he thought it was in our best interest to break things off between us,because he loves me so much. He said it is unfair to bring that into our life together. That the possiblility of us resenting our choice and each other in the end is not worth the pain and suffering. At that moment, I agreed with his thoughts and we did break up.
And now, I am hurt beyond anything I ever thought I could experience. This man is the one out of many that been in and out of my life, that truly changed it. And now I feel like I have lost him for good.
He made it clear that he does not want to cut off contact. He wants to still see me once and a while and talk from time to time. He also wants to continue to take care of things as he had been for both me and my daughter. But I dont know if I can handle seeing him or being around him when it just tears me apart. So now I cant help but wonder what will happen next? I worry that over time, he will forget all that he loves about me. Or I am afraid we will both go so far the other direction that the chance of our coming together once again will be impossible. I told him all these feelings. He told me that if we "can get thru this, we can get thru ANYTHING". But what does that mean?
Am I missing something here? Is he just trying to spare my feelings or something? All I know is that I am not dealing with this very well. I worry that this will also effect, my daughter too. She knows something is wrong with mommy...and I just dont know how to make things all better again.
My friends have told me to just leave the ball in his court. Wait for him to figure out where he stands, get his thoughts together, and then come see me when they are.
But it's the worst feeling in the world to not know what is coming. So for now I just wait and hope for the best? There has to be a different way. I just wish I knew what it was.

Do you want to give him this time or not? Think about what you want and what you can afford to do...what can you not afford to do because it will hurt you too much at the end? I wouldn't be able to play at friends while he was thinking it over. I would be too insulted and/or hurt that he would even need this time. I think that I would have some resentment build up and that I would hold this against him in the future. But that's me.
What I think I see between the lines is a nice guy who doesn't know how to make a clean break. He wants to keep you happy so he's telling you that he doesn't want to break it off completely...but maybe this is what he wants. You write that you're the one always showing him how great things are, putting a lot of effort into convincing him. And you sound tired of it. And frustrated. If you can afford to give him time, do it, but only what you can afford to give before you lose some dignity.