Is it worth hanging in?
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Is it worth hanging in?
| Mon, 07-05-2004 - 4:39pm |
A friend I have known for over 20 years recently split with his long term woman- she actually started another relationship and then kicked him out. They have one child. I figured something was up when I saw her with someone else holding hands, so I knew he was available. I called him, we had coffee and one thing led to another. Things were fine for the first two months, then his debts caught up to him (still paying for things she has at her house). He starting backing away, not calling like he did (every day), not coming over and sex becomes a once a month thing instead of every time we could. So I decided that if he wanted to talk to me he could call. He didn't. For 2 months. I'm angry and hurt and keep telling myself I can do better, and just when I decide to do something about my singleness, he calls. And he comes by. Again. And again. He wants to start back where we left off. I said "you never called me for 2 months". He says "neither did you". I said "I called last". He says "is that how it goes? I need to know the rules". Well, he has his debts all under control, is working at a new job and is calling me from work.
Obviously we are both stubborn people with communication problems, and I am afraid of what could happen if we hit another roadblock. We also differ on things like he is finished having kids (he has one) and I have one but would not mind having another baby. Although he is fond of saying things like "people always say things, but then they change their minds when the right person comes along", and "never say never". How do I find out whether or not he will want to have a child with me or even marry me for that matter. Am I wasting my time?

So I thot if he calls me then I know he wants to talk to me and has the time or feels like it. Since he did not call for 2 months, I knew he was busy or did not want to call or whatever- since he did not take the time to call, I found that I was not as important to him as I thot I was. So for him to stop calling me was an indicator that he either had nothing to say or did not feel inclined to call me. I think I am correct in this assumption given past history.
I have decided to hold back on the sexual aspect of the relationship to see how things go with us talking. If we can talk and share our feelings and thoughts, then we can progress to sex. I find those warm fuzzy feelings you get from sex to be mind-numbing and do not help me to see how things really are. Fortunately, our jobs keep us apart because our time off does not match. This should give me time to see him for who he really is, and my mind is clearer without sex, so I can decide if I really want to. And I want to see how much effort he is willing to put into this. I don't want him to think that he can start where we left off without knowing that we had problems that are real and need to be fixed.